


In Chrysalis

by TalesOfOnyxBats



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Experimentation, F/M, Human Acxa, Transformation, Unethical Experimentation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-09-21 16:10:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17046755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalesOfOnyxBats/pseuds/TalesOfOnyxBats
Summary: Haggar runs experiments on humans and Galra alike, testing whether or not quintessence can alter one's species. Acxa is her first success.





	1. Chapter 1

_As far as he could see, no one has survived. The ruins of the laboratory scatter the ground. An acetic scent hangs in the air, intermingling with smoke and other scents Keith can’t recognize. And he can taste it, sour, on his tongue. It burns his throat and stings his eyes. Ash flecks his hair, some flakes hotter than others, he does the best to ignore those that contact his skin._

_They are on a rescue mission._

_But it this point he thinks that it is more of a body recovery._

_He doesn’t know the planet, he has never been to it. But the laboratory that once stood there had been a poison to the citizens. An oppressive terror that they couldn’t drive out on their own. The battle had been tricky and Hunk will bare a few scars to prove it. Keith finds it hard to gauge whether they had won or lost. On one hand, the laboratory is no longer and most of its ungodly research has been obliterated with it. On the other, Haggar had destroyed it herself, leaving him wondering if it could have been of use to them._

_He can hear Veronica calling for Acxa in the distance. The half-Galra has been missing for months and Veronica is just as frantic about finding her as he is. But she had disappeared without a trace, he doesn’t know if she has left on her own or if she has been taken. He goes over it in his head as he plunders the wreckage, wondering if he could have possibly done anything to have prevented her vanishing. He pushes over blocks of cement, carefully dodges frayed wires and shards of glass and shrapnel, and peers into broken incubators that leak opalescent fluids of colors all over the spectrum. “I don’t think there’s anyone here!” He says into his communication device. His eye falls on a man, this one Galra. He checks for a pulse. “No one living, anyways.” He adds grimly._

_He thinks that he should be happy to see some Galra strewn out and lifeless as the humans they abducted. But he finds his heart aching for them. They have family just as Lance does. They have friends just like he._

_And then he sees her, amid the wreckage, partially buried. The debris looks heavy and he fears for how her bones fare beneath the weight of them. He runs up to her because he swears he sees movement, the faintest twitch of pale fingers._

 

**.oOo.**

 

Her breathing is heavy, it feels as though there is a weight on her chest and it is oppressive. She is just barely awake and can only hear a faint buzz, perhaps the whir of the heating system. It is accompanied by a feeling of dread, she knows that sound. She is fading out again with fear as a companion. Teetering closer to unconsciousness, she recalls in snippets; a UV lit room, a flash of quintessence, pain, the witch’s face, more pain, a tangle of wires, the scuff on the floor, pain. So much pain.

And so much quintessence.  

Consciousness hits her like an icy wave and she bolts up.

 

In doing so, she realizes that she is mistaken. The buzz can’t be the one she is accustomed to, because she doesn’t recognize her surroundings. It takes her a moment to realize that she is sitting on a bed, a rather comfy one at that. And the room isn’t quite so dismal; not like the other one, the one that had only a stiff-mattressed bed and cold metal walls. The room also doesn’t bring her a sense of nauseating terror like the barren UV room.

The room, however, does not have windows and it unsettles her stomach. She is truly horrified, because, this time, she has no idea what to expect. She is about to curl herself up and shed a few silent cries when she spies the writing desk in the corner, complete with some notebooks and pencils as well as the digital versions of them—the tools she is more familiar with. A small light offers a warm glow.

 

The comfort is very fleeting, it only remains for another few minutes. Because she looks at her hands.

They don’t look right.

They aren’t hers.

And she is cold with a new kind terror.

 

She shivers and lays back down. Nuzzling her head against the pillow, she closes her eyes and tries to forget. Tries to pretend that nothing is different. But her hands, they don’t look right…

 

**.oOo.**

 

“Where did you find her?” Allura asks.

 

“In the wreckage of the laboratory.” Keith replies. “She was the only survivor.”

 

“How long do you think they’ve had her for?” Veronica askes.

 

“I don’t know. I guess we won’t find out, until she wakes up.” Keith replies.

 

“So, one human survivor and no Galran survivors?” Allura concludes.

 

“No Balmera nor Olkari either.” Pidge points out.

 

He can see it on Allura’s face that she considers the mission to be a failure. He is starting to agree; wiping out the lab had been secondary. The primary goal had been to save the people imprisoned within. He is beginning to think that they are the cause of their death; if they hadn’t made their appearance so overt then Haggar might not have destroyed the lab and everyone in it, in such haste.

 

“We let everyone down.” Lance remarks grimly.

 

Once again, Keith finds himself grateful for Shiro. Shiro who speaks up, “we saved one person and that’s better than no one at all. And if we do this right, she might be able to help us find out just what Haggar is trying to accomplish.”

 

Still, Keith can’t help but fall into a slump of pessimism. It’s another defeat in a very steady losing streak. And he doesn’t have Acxa back. He hopes that she isn’t with the witch. He fears that she may have betrayed them and went back to the vile woman just as much as he fears that she has been captured. He thinks that it might almost be worse to find her in league with Haggar again; it would mean that she has played him for a fool. That he meant nothing at all to her. He tries to purge the thought.

 

Shiro slings an arm around him. “You’re thinking about Acxa, aren’t you?”

 

“And this mission.” Keith mutters. He can’t help but snap a little, “are we even helping the universe anymore?” He pauses. “Because lately we’ve only helped the Galra take more lives?”

 

“This wasn’t a shining moment.” Shiro agrees with a solemn nod. “But I have a feeling at least one person will thank us.”

 

He knows Shiro means well—he always does, but Keith can’t help but find himself off-put. He doesn’t like the idea of banking everything on the slim chance that this one woman can help them out.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Lying in bed, on her side, she flexes her fingers again. They shouldn’t move, because they aren’t hers. But they do. They obey every command she sends. And those unfamiliar hands tremble. More precisely, she shakes all over. Her fingers don’t end in points as they should. They are softer and subtler.

 

Finally, she finds it in herself to pull herself upright again. She isn’t sure if she should try either of the doors in the room. She gets up anyhow and tries the one closest to the writing desk. It opens with ease and she finds herself in a bathroom, more human in design. She recalls the workings of some of the appliances from her time on Earth. So she is on a human craft, she notes to herself. She might have been relieved if not for her skin. In this light, she can see once and for all that it is missing any and all pigments of blue. Her complexion compares more to that of Keith’s, maybe a shade or so darker. There is a mirror in this room, and she is afraid to steal a glance.

Whatever she sees, she knows that it won’t be her.

In the past she hasn’t exactly been comfortable in her own half-breed skin. But in this moment, she only wants to be her.

 

She only wants to see steely blue irises against a soft, Galran luminescent yellow. She only wants to see pale blue skin and pointed ears, but when she does finally muster up the courage to peer into the mirror, she doesn’t. Instead she sees steely blue against white. She runs her un-pointed fingers along smaller, rounded ears. And she bites the inside of her cheek.

She truly isn’t her.

This isn’t her.

It can’t be.

 

Gripping the sink, she lets her head droop and a sweep of thick black hair falls into her face.

Black hair.

It should be blue. Deep blue.

Just as her skin should be blue. Yet the only blue she can see is on her hips, when she finds it in her to lift her shirt to inspect her injuries. She really ought not to find solace in her own pain, but the cluster of large purple-blue bruises are a comfort. As much as they aile her, they let her pretend for a second, that she is herself.

 

Now that she has drawn attention to it, she realizes that she hurts all over. She doesn’t think that she will be able to bend without causing her hips some strife. She runs those unclawed, human hands, through her hair and she is distressed all over again. Her horns! She no longer has them either.

 

She thinks that this hurts her more than all else, her horns were the things she was most proud of. Now she doesn’t even have them. Leaning against the counter, she sinks to the floor and buries her head in her knees.

 

Suddenly she longs to awaken, bound up in the UV room.

 

She tries to focus on the physical pain instead of the alteration of her appearance. There is a pounding in her calves and a throbbing in her ankles. She thinks that if she exerts too much force or stands up the wrong way, that she may break at least one of them.

And she considers doing it, because that would really give her something else to think of.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Keith doesn’t have much of an appetite. He sits between Lance and Hunk and across from Veronica, picking at his food. Perhaps it was more akin to pushing it around with his fork.

 

“Oh, you are not doing good.” Hunk sighs. “It’s always a bad sign when a good meal doesn’t help. You want to talk about it?”

 

“There’s nothing to talk about.” He says harshly. “We failed our mission and Acxa’s still missing.” He catches Veronica’s eye. Her expression grows sullen at the mention of her closest friend.

 

“What upsets you more?” Lance asks.

 

He resents the question and grows suddenly fond of the mashed potatoes in front of him.

 

“Well?” Lance persists. He doesn’t know when to quit and Keith doesn’t have the patience for it at the moment. He slams his spoon down, well aware that he hasn’t had an angsty outburst like this in a while, and wanders towards his room.

 

“Whoa there, you shouldn’t be walking around yet!” He hears Coran exclaim from down the hall. Keith knows who he will see before he looks up and groans to himself. He didn’t carefully and painstakingly pick her out of the wreckage just for her to snap her bones already. Even from a considerable distance he can see the alarm and distress on her face. It sobers him some and he has to take a moment to calm himself, he doesn’t want to take things out on her. Of course she is wandering, she is disoriented and they had left her unsupervised in a new place.

 

“Keith?” At first it is a question. And then when she draws nearer, “Keith!” He can see the relief in her eyes.

Her eyes. There is something about them…

 

She says his name again.

 

“Have I met you before?” He asks.

 

Her eyes go wide and then dim, as she seems to remember something. “Keith, it’s me.”

 

And it occurs to him that she looks familiar. Without her Glara blood, she has a much smaller frame and height. Between that and her perplexed expression, she looks so fragile. All of the annoyance and rage melts away. He pulls her into a hug, taking care to avoid the bruised areas. “Acxa?”

 

She nuzzles her face against his chest.

It’s all the confirmation that he needs.


	2. Chapter 2

He doesn’t exactly know what to make of her or her transformation. He doesn’t know how she feels about it. So he does the only thing he can and rubs small and, hopefully, comforting circles over her back. She doesn’t talk much but he doesn’t mind. He is perfectly content just feeling the warmth of her body pressed against his own. It is so familiar yet so different. He recalls always being the one to lean against her being as she used to tower over him. It is strange to hold her for a change and he doesn’t know if he likes it. He decides that he does, because at least she is here and safe. At least he can go back to the other paladins and bring some good news. For a moment, he forgets and squeezes her tighter. She winces and he sputters an apology. He has to be careful with her, at least until she heals more fully.

 

“Do you want to join us for dinner?” He offers. “it just started, so there’s probably some good stuff still left.” He tucks a strand of hair behind her ears, even this is odd to him. Because this time her hair falls forward; once upon a time her ears had been long enough to hold the locks in place. He winces, if simple things like this were bothering him, he could only imagine how she felt. “You could probably use something to eat, right?”

 

She doesn’t answer right away and he is anticipating having to follow her to her room. It was something she had always done when she was upset, something she’d done since they first brought her to Earth with them. But eventually she takes him up on his offer and allows him to lead her to the banquet hall.

 

As they walk, she looks every which way, as though she is trying to create a mental map of the place. And Keith realizes that this is her first time _awake_ on the Atlas. Haggar had taken her before they’d even left for their mission.

 

“I’ll give you a tour of the Atlas after we eat. Sound good?”

 

“I guess.” She mutters.

 

She has always been a quiet woman, but this is a new level even for her. Usually she talked more when they were alone. He wonders what Haggar had done to her, all the same he is afraid to hear the answer. He doesn’t even know when it would be a good time to inquire. He feels as though it would be rude to pester her after she has just woken. But he poses an offer, “want to talk about it?” He knows what she will say before she does. But it was worth a shot.

 

She doesn’t respond vocally, instead she gives a rather meek head shake.

He knows ultimately that she is terribly upset.

 

So he tells her what Shiro had once said to him, “you don’t have to deal with things alone this time.”

 

Her grip on his hand tightens.

 

**.oOo.**

 

It is comforting to have Keith next to her, she apricates his words more than anything because she is so tired of being on her own. In fact, she doesn’t think that she can deal with this one alone but she doesn’t have many friends.

For the first time she considers that it might be a good thing, this human form. It will help her fit in. It will make her less intimidating to talk to. She knows that she can really use that. She can’t imagine that her personality makes her any less of an outcast. At least now she can walk about without having at least a set or two of eyes on her.

 

He takes her through the food lines, suggesting some of his favorite meals. She points at something else that looks rather intriguing. It is on the flat side and tan in color, speckled with little colorful dots.

 

“You want the cookie?” He asks.

 

“Yes.” She replies.

 

“I’m not a fan of m&m’s myself, but Pidge likes them.”

 

“Is it called a cookie or an m&m?”

 

It is a serious question but Keith laughs at her and she can’t keep a slight pout from forming on her lips. He answers, “It’s called a cookie, the little dots are the m&m’s.”

 

She bites into the treat and wonders how Keith could possibly dislike the little dots. She follows him to a table where the other paladins sit alongside Veronica and her friends. She is unfamiliar with most of them and it puts her on edge.  

 

“She’s already awake?” Veronica remarks as Lance asks Keith, “I thought you were having a temper tantrum, what brings you back?”

 

He answers both questions at once, “I came back because she woke up.”  He pauses as if trying to decide his next move and he looks to her. Acxa isn’t sure what kind of response or affirmation he is looking for so she doesn’t give a response at all. Finally he comes to a decision on his own. “Everyone, I have a bit of good news and some, kind of, bad news.”

 

“Oh great, more bad news.” Hunk mutters.

 

“Give us the bad news first.” Pidge requests.

 

“I can’t give you all the bad news without giving the good news first.”

 

“Sure you can, just give it a go.” Says the dark skinned girl with the glasses. Acxa doesn’t know her name, though she thinks that Veronica may have mentioned it once or twice.

 

Keith rolls his eye and goes with it. “Haggar has been experimenting on Galra too. I don’t know why, but she’s turning them human. I think that she might be trying to make Galra of humans…” He trails off. Acxa thinks that he didn’t know where he was taking that theory.

 

“How do you know?” Lance questions.

 

And Keith puts her on the spot. Putting an arm around her he states, “I found Acxa.”

 

She doesn’t like being eyed so heavily. She knows that she should perhaps add something, but she doesn’t really have anything of substance to say; she has been found and she is human and that was that. She sees Veronica’s expression warm, “Acxa, is that really you?”

 

“It is.” She replies.

 

Veronica gets up and comes to stand behind Acxa, wrapping her arms around her middle. Acxa doesn’t understand what it was with Earth people and squeezing things that they like but she lets Veronica continue because it makes the woman happy. Veronica props her chin atop Acxa’s head. “I was worried about you, you know?”

 

“Sorry?”

 

With one last squeeze, Veronica takes her seat once more. Acxa tries not to flinch because she doesn’t want Veronica to feel guilty for her affections.

 

“So, what are you going to do now that you’re not Galra?” Veronica’s blonde friend asks.  

 

Her cheeks grow hot because she hasn’t put any consideration into that yet and she doesn’t really want to. She thinks that she will just do the same things that she always does, if she can. So she replies, “I was going to find my gun and practice at the shooting range.”

 

“Or maybe you should take it easy for a little while.” Shiro suggests.

 

She doesn’t like this idea very much. “The Galra don’t take breaks, we fight through things.”

 

“But you’re not Galra anymore.” The fair-haired girl points out, unhelpfully. She has earned herself a thump from the dark-skinned girl, who hisses, “Ina, it’s true but you shouldn’t say it.”

 

“All I meant is that humans are kinda fragile.” Ina shrugs.

 

Whether she meant well or not, the damage has been done, an uneasy feeling works its way back into Acxa’s belly. She isn’t even half done with her meal, but her appetite is gone. Deep down, she worries that the girl might be right—she doesn’t recall ever having bruised so much. And usually the pain would have subsided by now. She finds herself growing incrementally more anxious.  

 

“I’m sure that we can find a way to turn you back.” Says one of the boys. Acxa remembers Keith mentioning that they had been rivals. The name James comes to mind.

 

“She destroyed her research notes with the laboratory.” Acxa points out, leaving no room for false hope she continues, “and all of the necessary equipment.” As dismal as the prospect is, there is a sense of relief in knowing that she’d never see the UV room again.

 

“I’ll give Allura an update.” Shiro declares. “And we’ll decided how to approach things for there.” He looks to Acxa. “Let her get some rest and we can get more details later.”

 

She may not have any Galra blood left in her veins, but her Galra mindset yearns for her to share what she knows right away. The problem is, she doesn’t remember much it. It is also blurry and the images she can recall vividly are distorted, jumbled, and confusing. She is almost certain that Haggar had kept her drugged.

 

She does her best to work her appetite back up and finish her meal, higher powers knew that she could use it, Haggar couldn’t be bothered to feed her beyond what was needed to keep her alive.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Laying in bed he has a chance to study her more clearly. She looks very much like herself, the structure and shape of her face is exactly the same. She still has a very sharp chin and a very sharp nose. Small lips and eyes that fall just slightly on the narrower side. But her pupils are no longer an alien white. They are black, like his own. The soft blue of her irises are the same but they are set against white. He finds it odd how she can look so like the Acxa he is used to, yet so strikingly different.

 

He gently strokes her cheeks. She is still being very quiet. Once upon a time, he could stroke her horns instead, that always seemed to soothe her. But they are no longer there and this makes him surprisingly sad, he always had liked her sleek, little horns.

 

She shifts from laying on her back staring at the ceiling to laying on her side, facing him. He wishes she wouldn’t. His hands slip down her waist feeling various bumps and knots, “doesn’t it hurt to lay like that.”

 

“It shouldn’t…” She trails off. “It wouldn’t if I…”

 

He takes her hand in his again and rubs the back of it. “If it hurts, then you should lay on your stomach or on your back again.”

 

She is stubborn. He knows this, so he isn’t surprised when she folds her arms over her chest and refuses. She doesn’t like showing weakness, frankly he is surprised that she had admitted that it hurt at all.

 

He touches his thumb to her lips. She gives him a soft smile, and he is thankful because he has just uncovered another little thing that made her happy. A very small, simple, physical gesture, but it makes her smile.

 

He can’t possibly fathom why so many people and aliens alike had written her off and outcasted her. He watches her curl herself up and wiggle closer to him. He slips his arm under hers. “I’m going to fix things, I promise.” She doesn’t hear him, she is already asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

_Her world is painted in a shade of searing purple. It is so bright that she has trouble seeing anything at all. It glares in her eyes and she has trouble gaining her barring. She can hear a whirring; a buzzing and it vibrates in her head. It is torment, and she can’t cover her ears. She tries but her hands won’t move. They aren’t bound, they aren’t chained._

_But they won’t move._

_They are not her hands._

_And suddenly there is no light at all. Suddenly there are hands all around her they tug at her legs and pull her arms. Raking and clawing and tearing her apart. The hands are all over her body and there are so many of them, they are a vivid luminescent purple. They slap her and prod her, push at her stomach until the air leaves her lungs. They clutch at her and pinch at her and generally assault her but she is paralyzed._

_Underneath the buzzing is a greater white noise; a disorienting and intangible babble. An endless and raspy stream of it. The sound comes from the same mouth but at various pitches and volumes. It comes from the same source but it emits from different parts of the nowhere space. A ringing intermingles with the buzzing and the muttering and it all swells in volume._

_She feels like she is falling._

_The volume rises more._

_The hands grasp more firmly._

_The UV lights come on, burning so much hotter._

_Acxa can’t take it anymore, her head pounds and her ears seem to bleed. She can feel it trickling warmly down her neck._

_There is a scream and she isn’t sure if it is her own or someone else’s because it seems to come from across the void. And from the nothingness more screams arise, but somehow the white noise is still louder. The ringing and buzzing is harsher. She is so terribly dizzy. Her body continues to fall, yet it remains in place under the UV lights. She feels liquid on her body running in rivulets, it is gooy and thick._

_Her skin is melting away, the UV lights are melting it away._

The vertigo follows her into waking and she cries out. No. It had been a shriek. A sharp and horrified scream. Reflexively, she brings her hands to her face to find that it is still perfectly intact. Her chest rises and falls rapidly and it is a task to slow her frantic breathing.

 

She was never the type that was prone to dreams, lest of all dreams so vivid, so evil.

 

A hand snakes around her arm and she hollers again, batting at the offending appendage. In the process she throws herself off of the bed, landing with a painful thud on her already beaten and sensitive hipbone. She gives another quitter, muffled cry.

 

“Acxa!” The exclamation is nothing but tender concern. And it reality floods back to her.

She is safe.

She is okay.

 

She heaves herself up and climbs back onto the mattress, shaking all over.

 

“Are you okay?” Keith asks.

 

She doesn’t know how to answer. She thinks that she is okay but she isn’t quite sure. She scoots closer to him and pulls herself as close as she physically can. Earlier she hadn’t been at all fond of her smaller build, but it is useful now that she is trying to burrow into Keith.

 

Her cheeks flush, because she is usually much stronger than this. But tonight, she longs for reassurance, even if she has to let some of her walls down. He rubs at her hair where the horns had been and her breathing begins to slow.

 

“That must have been some dream.” He guesses.

 

The embarrassment truly has a chance to set in, she has gotten all meek and timid over a dream. “It was.” She confirms. “It was…there were…” She tries to find the right descriptors. “There were some real elements to it.” She isn’t sure if she should call them memories, but they had felt like them. “It felt real…”

 

“It wasn’t.” Keith assures her.

 

But that is just it, she isn’t so sure about that, she thinks that it might have been. Or at the very least, parts of it had been true. It sends her heart racing. Faint trickles of fear pulsate on the fringes of her mind.

 

“What was the nightmare about?”

 

“The UV room.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

“The UV room?” He repeats.

 

He expects an elaboration but instead she only nods and rolls onto her stomach, burying her face into the pillow. And for a moment he wonders if whatever Haggar has done, made her human in more than just body. She turns her head to face him, she looks as if she wants to say something but she doesn’t.

 

“Is there anything I can do to help you sleep?”

 

“I don’t know, no one has ever tried helping me sleep. How can you help someone sleep?”

 

Keith chuckles. “Well, uh…Hunk likes a glass of warm milk and a bedtime story. Pidge usually throws on a rainstorm CD. Lance likes talking until he’s too tired to talk anymore. Shiro, well, he actually kind of just falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. I like listening to classic rock.”

 

“What is a CD? What is classic rock?”

 

He sometimes forgets how little she knows about his world. “Give me a second.” He gets up from the bed.

 

“No!” She says almost immediately. “Don’t leave me.”

 

“I’m just getting something from over there.” He points at one of the many shelves that line his room. And he does, he ruffles through his CD collection until he finds Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin. He also grabs The Beatles and Fleetwood Mac. He’ll give her some options. He lays them out on the bed and turns on his bedside lamp. “These are CD’s.” He motions to his radio, “you put them in here, hit play, and then you get to hear music.”

 

Acxa nods again.

 

“Pick your favorite.”

 

She looks over the album covers for a second. Finally, she points at Pink Floyd.

 

“Good choice.” He smiles and puts the CD in. He clicks the light off. He was going to have to ask her more about this dream and the UV room in the morning. But for the time his goal is to soothe her. For the time he listens to the music as it flutters about the room. She is facing away from him, but he slides his arm under hers and holds her around the middle.

He hopes that this will help her sleep some. He worries about her.  He worries because she hasn’t exactly been acting like herself since she has gotten back. And he can’t gauge whether it is the product of trauma, the experiments, or a natural shift. He hopes that it is the latter or simply a newer side of her personality.

  
He doesn’t want to kill the mood, but he has to ask, “will you tell me more about your nightmare tomorrow and which parts were the most real?”

 

“Yes.”

 

He lays awake until he knows that she is asleep again. Hopefully she will sleep through the rest of the night. And with any luck, Pink Floyd will lull him there too and keep him there until the morning. He tries to focus on the song and on the feeling of Acxa bunched up beside him.

Yes, he thinks that he can sleep again.

Much easier, in fact, than he has in a while.


	4. Chapter 4

Acxa is still asleep when he wakes, usually she is up before him—much before him, in fact. On a normal day the woman will wake up at around 5:30 or so. She has always been an early riser and he doesn’t know how she does it, especially since she goes to bed at the same time he does. He thinks that it is…was her Galra blood, that maybe they require less sleep. He peers again at her slumbering form. This is the first time he has seen her sleep in and hopes that the nightmare had simply taken a lot out of her. She mummers something in her sleep; this is not unusual of her. He recalls having full—albeit nonsensical—conversations with her during the night, only for her to awaken and not remember a thing.

 

He is torn between fetching her some breakfast in bed and being there for her when she wakes. He supposes that she won’t want to wake and find herself alone so he sticks around, putting his CD’s back in their places. When he finishes that, he finds himself a book and sits back on the bed. In her sleep, Acxa hugs the blankets tighter to herself and rolls onto her side with another sleepy mumble. Keith gives a soft smile. For what it is worth, she looks comfortable. He goes back to his CD collection and pops Fleetwood Mac into the stereo. He found that, that album was the best to read books to. The CD is nearly half done when Acxa finally sits up. He pauses the music, “how did you sleep.” And then adds, “other than the nightmare.”

 

She thinks for a moment. “Well.”

 

“Good to hear.”

 

“What was that song you were just playing?”

 

“It’s called, ‘Like Crying’, it’s one of my favorites by them.”

 

“What are your other favorites?” She asks.

 

He can see genuine curiosity in her eyes but at the same time he gets a sense that she is trying to stall. He is beginning to think that getting her to talk about the UV room is going to be like pulling a splinter from the heel of a beast. So he answers vaguely, “I like a lot of them. When we get some free time, I can show you.”

He can see it in her eyes that she isn’t satisfied with the answer. But if he is being honest with himself, he isn’t thinking about that. He is trying to figure out of he should ask her if she knows Haggar’s end goal or if he should keep pushing about the UV room.

 

Either which way, he leads her back down the hall for breakfast and socialization.

 

“Morning Keith!” Hunk greets.

 

“Good morning.” He returns. “How’s breakfast?”

 

“Breakfast is always good. Best meal of the day.” Hunk grins.

 

“Try telling Acxa that, will you?” Keith laughs. So far he has tried waffles, pancakes, eggs, and bacon, the woman would have none of them. “Today we’re trying cereal.”

 

“Ah!” Hunk exclaims. “A breakfast classic. I recommend Fruit Loops.”

 

“Fruit Loops?” Lance mutters. “Everyone knows that Captain Crunch is the best.”

 

“Um…Lucky Charms?” Pidge points out.

 

Keith spares Acxa a glance, the poor woman looks terribly confused.

 

“You’re all wrong.” Veronica saunters up to the table. “Cinnamon Toast Crunch is the best starter cereal.”

 

“Frosted Flakes.” Shiro puts in.

 

“Are you all really fighting about which cereal is the best?” Keith asks with an eye roll. It takes all of his will power to not remind them of Honeycombs. “I don’t even know which cereals we brought with us. Anyways, I’ll just let Acxa choose.” He turns to her, only to find that the woman has wandered off. He spies her in the food line with Veronica. It looks like Cinnamon Toast Crunch will win out. “I don’t know how to get her to talk.” He confesses.

 

“About what?” Lance asks.

 

“She keeps mentioning this UV room. I asked her about it last night but she wouldn’t say anything. She said that she’d tell me today, but…”

 

“The day just started, give her time.” Shiro smiled warmly.

 

“But she has already dodged the question three times today.” Keith points out, it might have only been two though. Thinking about it like that, it isn’t so bad, but still the subject evasion is a bit of a peeve. “Allura really needs that information.” He spares another look at Acxa, she sticks pretty closely to Veronica.

 

“You’re right, I do.” Allura agrees, “the more information we can get on Haggar and her plans, the better our odds.”

 

“But…” Keith prompts.

 

“Haggar’s experiments are terrifying.” Allura replies. “Lotor told me all about her quintessence research, about the things she was willing to do to _herself_. Don’t force Acxa to relive something unpleasant.”

 

He doesn’t tell Allura that Acxa already did.

 

“I’m just saying, the sooner I can get her to talk, the sooner we can try to fix—turn her back.”

 

“What if we can’t?” Lance vocalizes the possibility he didn’t like to think about.

 

He opens his mouth to answer, but Acxa is back at his side so he closes it again and instead thinks of small talk to make. He asks her what cereal she ended up picking.

 

**.oOo.**

 

She rests her hands in her lap. Keith isn’t here this time. Apparently, they have run into trouble for she had watched the Paladins scramble from away from their lunches and into their uniforms. There is a frantic energy to the Atlas and she knows that she will probably be one of the last to know what caused it.

 

So she is alone with the MFE crew and Veronica. She sits at the table staring at her lunch. The group is enveloped in a conversation about an Earth movie franchise she has never heard of. She doesn’t think that they mean to alienate her, but they have picked another topic she can’t easily navigate.

 

Her hands are folded in her lap and she looks down at them. As she does her mind drifts. It drifts to that cold metal room and that stiff mattress. It drifts to the merciless chill on her skin and the perpetual feeling of dread. The constant anticipation of suffering. She recalls boredom mixed with that anxiety. She recalls feeling helpless and useless.

She feels useless right now as the paladins fight, as the Atlas bustles, as she only inspects hands that she is still trying to grow accustomed to.

 

She doesn’t want to be useless.

She doesn’t want to contribute nothing, so she will muster up the strength to share at least what little she knew of Haggar’s motivations.

 

“Acxa kind of reminds me of Legolas!” Nadia declares.

 

Her attention is pulled, “what is a Legolas?”

 

“The hottest elf in Middle Earth.”

 

Acxa tilts her head. “Can I got to the Middle of Earth one day?”

 

Nadia bursts out laughing and Kinkade explains, “Middle Earth is a place in this book series called Lord of The Rings. Legolas is Nadia’s favorite character.”

 

“Only because she thinks that he has a beautiful face.” Ina rolls her eyes.

 

“How am I like a…Legolas.”

 

“It’s the ears.” James replies without thinking and then more quietly he adds, “it was the ears.”

 

The table is silent, uncomfortably so. And she knows it is her fault, it always is. It would seem that she just can’t win. Her Galra appearance, only had the potential to help her fit in, after she had lost it. She thinks it rather cruel. “I am going to go to my room now.” She declares.

 

Veronica tries to coax her back, but her mood has already soured. She just wants to be alone, but at the same time, she knows that it is the last thing she needs. Still she makes her way down the hall, trying to recall which room she had emerged from on her first night back aboard the Atlas. She hasn’t been back there since but she believes that it is the one down the hall from Keith’s. She pulls the door open to find a slew of scattered socks, worn bras, a few pairs of haphazardly kicked off heels, and a packet of spilled glitter. A string of lights drip down from the ceiling, hanging above a few textbooks and gizmos. She knows that she has the wrong room so she shuts the door, thankful that no one is present.

 

“I think that you’ve got the wrong room.” Veronica appears behind her. “Your’s is that one. Here, I’ll walk you there.”

 

Acxa wants to protest but Veronica is already leading the way so she follows with a very intended silence.

 

“I’m sorry about the whole lunch thing, James didn’t mean anything by it. He just sometimes doesn’t think before he talks.”

 

Acxa sighs, perhaps she is being a little cold. They are all trying to get used to each other and she can’t imagine that her sudden switch has made this any easier. “It’s fine.” They were, after all giving her a second chance for much bigger crimes.

 

“If you need someone to talk to while Keith is gone…well you already found my room.” She smiles.

 

Acxa nods. She apricates the offer, but she doesn’t feel like taking it up just yet. “Thank you.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

When Keith gets back he doesn’t see Acxa at dinner. He begins to fret, he doesn’t like the idea of her skipping it. He hopes that he hasn’t offended her by leaving in such haste. He thinks that he ought to invite her to give them a hand next time, even if Allura says that it is a bad idea. He sees where she is coming from in stating that Acxa could still probably use some rest. But he doesn’t think that the former Galra likes sitting still for too long. He checks his room to find it empty and his concern grows. And he remembers that she has her own room and relief floods him, he hopes that it isn’t pre-mature. He knocks at her door.

 

He hears movement and lets the relief wash over him in full. Acxa beckons him inside.

 

“I ought to get you some stuff to decorate with.”

 

She tilts her head.

 

“Make this place a little more…you.”

 

“We can do that later.” Acxa says dryly. “I want to tell you about Haggar now.”

 

“Okay.” He pauses. “Let me just get the others.” He turns to leave but her hand closes around the bend of his arm and pulls him back.

 

“No. I only want to tell you.”

 

“But…” He protests.

 

“You can fill the others in.”

 

He follows her to her bed as it clicks that she simply isn’t comfortable enough to talk about things around the others yet. “Alright, what do you know.”

 

“You’re going to be disappointed.” She warns. “I don’t know much. I do know that she wants to make an army of human turned Galra.”

 

He knew that much already.

 

“She also wants to make humans of Galra who disagree with her cause. Humans are easier to hunt down, especially ones that don’t know how to be human.” She frowns. “I don’t know my own weaknesses and limitations anymore, Keith. I don’t know how much damage this body can take before it stops working. That’s dangerous.” He thinks that he can see her shudder. “And that’s very effective for taking down Galra who oppose she and what she’s trying to do.”

 

“Which is?” Keith asks.

 

“She is trying to find Lotor.” Acxa states. “But she is also trying to take the Galra empire for her own so that she can give it to Lotor. I think that this is where turning Galra human will matter the most.”

 

“So why turn humans Galra? They won’t listen to her.”

 

“That is why she is picking out humans who deeply hate other humans and weak-willed humans who are easy to control.” Acxa explains. “That is how I interpreted what she has mentioned to me and what I have overheard.”

 

“Thank you, Acxa.” He hugs her. “That’s actually a lot of help.”            

 

Now all he has to do is present this newfound information to the others. Hopefully from there they can form a more solid plan of action. Hopefully, from here, he can help work Acxa into the team as a more trusted alley. For the first time in a while he is optimistic, perhaps their trip to the laboratory hadn’t been a complete failure after all.

Perhaps he hadn’t made the wrong call.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Acxa smiles to herself. It had been a good thing to hear, that she is still of help. Keith pats her hand and tells her that he will be back soon and that they could continue their conversation about Fleetwood Mac, and, if she desired, he would tell her how the meeting went.

 

Frankly she wants that very much. She wants to know if she truly has done them some good. Perhaps, good enough to join them on their missions instead of lazing around the Atlas. Some fight returns to her spirit and finally, she feels that much more like herself.


	5. Chapter 5

The scents that assault Axca’s nose are nauseatingly familiar. The air smells of the laboratory and she knows that Haggar has left her mark on this planet. She lingers at the edge of the group, Veronica trails even further behind with Kinkade. The pair will be her backup as she acts as a backup for the Paladins. Ina, Nadia, and James follow along as well, just in case they could use even more hands. She has been informed that they are on a recovery mission of sorts; a human distress signal has been pinging from this location for quite some time now and they must answer it.

 

They walk across a barren wasteland of a place, scattered with charred trees and wreckage of buildings. Sand whips at her face and she is thankful for the protection of her suit. Eventually they split off—one MEF pilot per Paladin. She follows Veronica and Lance.  

 

With the air so heavy with poison, she is almost certain that they have arrived too late to do anything of substance for this planet. For as much as she yearned to go back out onto the battlefield, to do something important, she wished that they would call it quits. She is growing anxious, the smells bring back things that she is trying her best to repress.

She shudders.

 

The devastation grows worse as they trek deeper into what used to be a forest. She can see burn marks on dead tree trunks, they smell somewhat coppery. There is another metallic odor within, laced with a whiff of quellberry—her favorite Galran fruit, a tell-tale sign of quintessence. She thought it almost cruel that something that causes so much strife is allowed to take on such a delightful perfume. But then, she supposes that, if in kinder hands, quintessence had the potential to be a very charming thing.

 

She brushes her hand over the decaying tree and flinches away. Her hand comes up burned, whatever has killed those trees is still highly toxic. “Keith.” She speaks into her communication device. “I think we should leave. Or at least hurry up.”

If it is on the trees then it is in the air.

Human or Glara, she can’t imagine that breathing it in is a good idea.

 

“There are still people here, Acxa.”

 

“I know.” She mutters. “We have to make this quick though, the longer we stay here the more trouble _we’ll_ be in.”

 

She thinks that Keith is in a sour mood because he snaps, “you said that you want to be a part of the coalition, so be a part of it!” He pauses. “We don’t back down to save ourselves. If anything, we die for the people like these.”

 

She tries to be logical with him. “Keith, I don’t think that we can save them. They’ve been here for a while now; they’ve already breathed in too much.” She regrets having spoke at all, especially without muting herself to the other paladins.  She knows how it sounds. Even to her own ears it sounds cowardly and selfish. But her lungs are taking a decent beating and she has only been here for a couple of hours.

 

“How can you say something like that?!” Lance asks.  She wishes that he would have just spoken directly to her instead of over his communication device.

 

“We have to try.” Keith says firmly.

 

“Keith is right,” Pidge agrees, “if they’re alive they can be saved.”

 

“That’s not true.” Acxa digs herself in deeper. She has seen it enough to know…

 

“You wouldn’t say that if we were helping Galra.” Lance accuses.

 

“I would—” She starts.

 

“Either help us, or next time you can stay on the Atlas.” Keith threatens.

 

She hears one of them mumble about how they knew that they should have left her at home. And maybe they should have. She tags along quietly. She doesn’t understand how they could be so willing to end themselves over such small odds. She wonders how they can possibly ignore the bigger picture; that if they get themselves killed on a fool’s errand, then the world will be in jeopardy.

 

“Hey, Acxa.” Veronica falls in step with her.

 

She doesn’t feel like carrying on conversation though.

 

“He’s just stressed, they all are.” Veronica reassures. But Acxa finds little solace in it. They have brought up her past again, brought up her lineage. And it hits home. She has a human body and all of its weaknesses, yet she has none of its perks.

 

Veronica makes one last try at conversation, “I’m sure that they didn’t mean any of that.”

 

She knows that she is isolating herself, but maybe she is better off alone. Even through her suit, the poisoned air stings her eyes and dries her skin. She is completely miserable, but she pushes forward.

 

**.oOo.**

 

He thinks that he might have been too harsh, but he is tired of failing and he won’t lose these people too. Pidge works to trace the exact location of the distress call and he is growing antsy. “Shouldn’t we have come across them by now, or at least a sign of them?”

 

“Not necessarily.” Shiro says, “they’re probably trying to keep as quiet as possible.”

 

“Should we regroup?” Hunk asks.

 

“I think that we should.” Keith agrees, “what do you think, Allura.”

 

“I’m with you three.”

 

Keith looks up. “Okay, do you all see that large tower, meet me there.” He has a feeling that this is where his survivors are. “Kinkade and I are going to check the place out.”

 

It is dark in the tower. Dark and flooded with sand that flows in from the broken windows. The air is getting harsher, he doesn’t have time to wad through massive dunes. But he and Kinkade don’t really have much of a choice. As painful as he knows it will be, he calls out, “is anyone in here?” And to the dark of the hallway, he adds, “we’re the Paladins of Voltron and we’ve received and S.O.S. We’re here to help.”

 

“I don’t think that anyone is home.” Kinkade whispers.

 

“Why are you whispering?”

 

“I want to create the mood.”

 

Keith groans. “We don’t have time for jokes, Kinkade.” He makes it to the staircase and follows it into the shadows. He punches a few buttons on his gear and a beam of light flashes on. The air here is almost worse, he can now see the vapors rather plainly in the light. Next to him, Kinkade gags.

Acxa was right about one thing, he had to make this fast—he may have underestimated the level of contamination.

 

“Keith, over here.” Kinkade calls.

 

He hustles over to where Kinkade stands, near a door which stands slightly ajar. He sees the blink of a radio. No doubt, the source of the transmissions. Surrounding the device is a circle of bodies, each wearing a makeshift, flimsy looking mask. “No.” He mutters. “Not again. No.” He drops down next to one and puts his fingers to the woman’s neck. He shifts his fingers once and then twice before he feels a pulse. “I found a pulse. Kinkade, confirm it?”

 

A few moments pass before Kinkade gives a firm nod, “she’s alive.”

 

They check the other five, to the same effect. “We did it.” Keith says into the communication device. “We found them and they’re alive.” He is beaming from ear to ear; for the first time in a while he has made the right call, despite rather grim odds.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Back on the safety of the Atlas, she feels like a fool. Perhaps she had only been thinking of herself; it is what she is used to doing, after all. And she thinks that maybe she isn’t right for this mission. She has done her part and told them the important details, she ought to keep her advice to herself.

 

She sees the survivors in the hospital wing, they are stable, no thanks to her.

 

Acxa wanders to her room, it is still bleak and empty. She flops down on the bed feeling sore and sick. Her throat is still on fire and her eyes still scratchy. Their mission was a success, but she still feels failure on a personal level.

And for more reasons than one.

 

She is angry with Lance for his assumptions and angry with the others for agreeing or for saying nothing on her behalf. She is twice as resentful towards Keith for, not only letting them tag team her, but for practically initiating the small verbal beatdown.

More than that she is furious with herself for speaking out of line in the first places. For suggesting a retreat—it was the least Galran thing she has ever said. She had underestimated how much those humans could handle and she could have gotten them killed.

 

There is a knock on her door, she rolls to face away from it.

 

“Acxa.”

 

His voice is calming now, and she wants to let him in. But if Lotor has taught her anything, it’s that failure is a scold-able and punishable offense. Keith calls her name again. But on top of past experience, she is still angry.

 

“Can we please talk?”

 

She will let her silence be its own answer.


	6. Chapter 6

Acxa still hasn’t emerged from her room, save for a few trips to dinner which she carried out of the cafeteria and into her room. A solid three days have passed and he is growing concerned. He didn’t think that he had snapped on her that harshly. But then, the Galra could harbor a pretty wicked grudge.

 

He makes his way towards her door. They have another mission, a similar rescue, but this time the laboratory is still in operation. He is beginning to wonder how many of those things she actually has. He hopes that at least one of them still has her conversion research notes. He knocks at Acxa’s door. “Come on, open up!” Truth be told he is growing agitated. He’d rather her just yell at him for a few minutes and be done with it. Instead she chooses to cold shoulder him and drag things out. “Fine, don’t answer me, but don’t expect me to come back again.” He’ll let her come to him and he’ll be the one to ignore the knocking. He clenches his fists and turns away. He gets perhaps a few feet down the hall when he hears the door open.

He spares a glance back and sees her in the doorway.

He keeps walking.

 

He looks back again, she has come to stand in the hall, but she goes no further. Apparently, she is better at taking hints because she turns to retreat again. He groans to himself, he doesn’t know why he’s playing stupid games—especially with someone who can’t exactly pickup on human cues. He power walks back to her doorway, creating enough ruckus to stop her from shutting the door. “Can we talk?”

 

She opens the door wholly, and motions him inside. Her eyes are bleak and tired, he wonders if she has been having her nightmares still. If she has, she has been dealing with them alone. She climbs back on to her bed and leans against the wall with her knees drawn up to her chest. He thinks that she might have been crying. It would account for her taking so long to open the door.

 

Keith sighs, he isn’t good with apologies. “I was hoping you could join me for lunch?”

 

“Your friends don’t share your hopes.” Acxa answered. “I should stay here. If you want to eat lunch with me, you can bring it here.”

 

“What are you talking about?” He asks.

 

“Your friends do not like me. They do not trust me.”

 

He wishes that she was just trying to guilt him, that would be a lot easier to deal with. “They’re still trying to get used to you is all. You’re not exactly easy to talk to.” Her face falls even more and he knows that it has come out wrong. “It’s not…they just don’t understand your line of thinking.”

 

“You don’t either.” She states dryly.

 

“No. No, that’s not true either. I was just…” he trails off. “I’ve been making so many wrong calls lately. Voltron is supposed to save the universe, but lately we’ve just been a little too late. I just wanted to make the right call for once.”

 

“And you have.” Acxa replies stiffly, “congratulations, Keith.”

 

He doesn’t know how to respond to that.

 

“It must be nice.” She pauses. “To be able to make a series of ‘wrong calls’, and still be trusted to make the right one eventually.”

 

Keith can’t tell if she is hurt or resentful, her level tone reveals no hints. He rubs his forehead in frustration. He doesn’t know if it is he who is bad at communication, or her. Or both of them. So maybe he should stop trying to talk.

He takes her hand and gives it a squeeze. She still doesn’t look at him so he pulls her into a hug instead and kisses the crook of her neck.

“I do trust you.” He says, eventually. “That’s why I’m asking you to join us on another mission.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

The offer is in good nature, but she isn’t sure that she is ready for another mission. She has worn herself out, sleep has been scarce. She also doesn’t particularly want more scrutiny from the other Paladins, she has made a fool of herself.

 

“Come with us.” He offers gently.

 

“When are you leaving?”

 

“Hopefully soon. So if you’re coming, you better get dressed for it.” His hand caresses her cheek. “I’d really like you to come with us, you know more about her labs than we do.”

 

With a sigh, Acxa stands. Going back to one of Haggar’s laboratories sounds just about as enticing as subjecting herself to more criticism from the Paladins. But she is almost certain that this is Keith’s way of letting her know he feels bad for their last mission. She doesn’t want to reject his apology.

 

**.oOo.**

 

This time they stick together and this time they leave the MFE pilots on call aboard the Atlas. The less people they had for this one, the better. They needed to be just as quick as the last time, but more subtle. He doesn’t know if Haggar is in her laboratory and he doesn’t want a run in with her, not quite yet.

 

There is a tension within the group and he knows that the feeling radiates from Acxa. The woman keeps to herself as they discuss plans. He can’t imagine her actually offering an opinion after how her last one had been received. He wishes that she would talk though, at least enough to vocalize what kind of layout they can expect.

 

“So how many prisoners are we looking for?” Shiro asks.

 

“I’d guess no more than ten, I can’t imagine that Haggar would run too many experiments at once.” It is a bluff, honestly he wouldn’t be surprised to hear that she’s converting people and Galra by the hundreds now that she knows she can. This is where Acxa’s experience would come in handy. He shoots her a glance, but the hint is lost on her.

 

They do their best to keep out of sight, only talking if need be. Mostly anyhow, “why did we even bring her along anyways.” Lance mutters.

 

“Because she knows what she’s doing, just give her a chance.”

 

“We have and we know that she likes to call it quits when the odds look bad.”

 

“I’m sure that, that’s not it.” Keith grumbles. He still needs to inquire about the logic behind wanting to retreat so early on. “She’s still trying to figure out her own limits.” He guesses.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Acxa is thrice as uneasy as she was on their last mission. It is not the same as her prison was, but it is similar enough. The Paladins are noisy and it makes things difficult. Her senses are already diluted without their chatter. But she listens, she listens for that horrid electrical hum. If she can find it, then she could find this laboratory’s UV room. And if she can find that, then she can find the holding cells. Lance and Keith continue to fuss and it draws Pidge into their debate. Acxa can’t focus. She wishes to vocalize this but she knows that she is just barely welcomed, so she keeps it to herself.

 

She pads along listening to them grow heated over her presence and she regrets having come at all. She thinks that they are well aware that she can hear them. The only one, save for Keith, who doesn’t seem to have it out for her is Hunk who continuously points out that they had given Lotor an easier time than they are giving her.

 

Something draws her attention away from the conversation. In the center of the room is a pulsating egg-shaped monolith of sorts. Standing nearly to the ceiling, it radiates magenta with quintessence. From the top of the structure is a generous waterfall of thick wires and tubes, they web out over the floor like veins from a heart. She scopes out the thickest cluster of tubes. The Paladins are heading in the opposite direction. “We have to go this way.”

 

“Why that way?” Lance asks.

 

She points at the tubes. “Most of the quintessence is flowing that way.”  Flowing that way and into the seeping into the UV bulbs.

 

“Is the exit flowing that way too?” Lance asks.

 

She doesn’t share his humor. “Come with me or don’t.” Frankly she hopes that he doesn’t. Leaving no room for debate, she follows the bundle of tubes up a flight of stairs; a faint humming accompanies her. It puts knots in her belly and doubts in her head. Maybe she shouldn’t have wandered off on her own. The hallway is so jarringly similar to her former prison, it brings things to the front of her mind that are best left buried. She can almost feel the nippy fingers of air on her bare skin as they drag her to the UV room. Can feel their claws digging into the skin of her arms. Skin that grew more and more delicate witch each visit, with each flash of the bulbs.

 

She feels dizzy, the hum seems to grow louder. Louder and louder until it is all she can hear. She tries to remind herself that she is safe now…but is she really?

Now that she has put herself back into a laboratory and strayed from the group.

 

She feels naked all over again, vividly she recalls the feeling of straps curling and tightening around her wrists. The feeling of the fight leaving her body.  She keeps walking, all she has to do is find the prisoners, then she can leave. She can leave and they won’t begrudge her anymore.

 

Still the buzzing screams into her ears. She knows that it truly is getting louder as she draws closer, but the sound is amplified. She can’t do this anymore. She can’t but she does, because they have to be close. She can feel herself straying from the present. She grows distant until she is in another time entirely.

Her own breathing reverberates in her ears.

Suddenly she is back in the UV room.

Suddenly an intense heat is scorching the blue out of her skin.

 

She finds herself a spot nestled between two large fuse boxes and burrows herself in the shadows, shaking all over. She buries her face in her knees and clutches her head. She has to get a grip, but she can feel it. She can feel the quintessence burning through her skin and reaching her very core. Her mind. She can feel it tear and mutilate her DNA code.

 

**.oOo.**

 

He ought to stick with the rest of the group, but he can’t just let Acxa wander about alone. That aside, he trusts her judgement; if she says that the prisoners were held in the west side of the laboratory, then they probably are. He is beginning to understand why she has been hesitant to come along.

 

Keith follows the length of the tubes she had pointed to. He only has a soft electrical hum to accompany him. It is the only sound he hears until he reaches almost halfway down the long hallway. Now, the sound of erratic breathing intermingles with the hum.

 

“Acxa?” He calls softly. He is reluctant to touch her, she is trembling so violently and silent tears trickle down her cheeks. His stomach lurches—God forbid one of Haggar’s guard personal should come by. He calls her name again, this time he makes the mistake of placing a hand on her shoulder. She flinches and lashes out.

 

What she now lacks in size, she makes up for in raw power and instinct. Her sudden pounce he had expected, the force she exerts catches him off guard.  The punch she delivers to the side of his head rattles him. And the low growl of her voice when she tells him to stay away from her, shakes him more.

 

“Acxa, it’s me, Keith…” He lifts his hands. He doesn’t know quite where she is, but he knows that she isn’t with him. “I’m not going to hurt you.” He kicks himself mentally for talking to her as though she is some animal he has cornered.

 

“We’re on a rescue mission, remember?” He tries, it gives him an idea, he just has to keep going with this. “And we _aren’t_ rescuing you.” He doesn’t know if she can even hear him. “You’re doing the rescuing, remember? And you can’t do that if you’re…” he winces as she throws him against the wall. “If you’re fighting me.” Everything in him is screaming at him to throw her off of him and strike back. “You’re in control, see.” Her grip seems to loosen so he repeats and reiterates. “You’re in control.” It is a mantra he repeats until he can see it in her eyes that she is making her way back. She unleashes her hold and he lets out a deep sigh.

 

And he sees it in her eyes, the absolute horror. She isn’t completely lucid, but she is aware enough to know that her judgment had lapsed. She is still shaky and he counts both he and her blessed that none of the other Paladins had followed him. He takes her in his arms and runs his hands through her hair, until her trembling slows. “I take it, we’re close to the UV room?”

 

As soundless as ever, she makes her way to a door and gives it a push. It doesn’t budge so she takes her gun out and shoots the lock. There is a mechanical hiss and she pushes again. The view is as sinister and uninviting as she implied. Long and large light bulbs line the ceiling in bars. They decorate the walls as well, but with more space between them. He can see that the tubes he has been following are, indeed, pumping quintessence into the bulbs. The room is like a sauna or, perhaps, an overlarge tanning bed. It is uncomfortably and dangerously humid. The only thing in the room is something akin to a hospital gurney with bloodied straps. A few syringes litter the floor. The UV lights are dim and he hears Acxa mutter something about how it had just been used. He can’t get her to look into the room, much less enter it.

 

He decides not to push, he doesn’t want to coax her into another episode of sorts. Instead he says, “we need to get out of here and find those prisoners. She has never taken him up on an offer faster.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Walking the rest of the way down the hall, it is clear to her that she has messed up again. She should have stayed behind where she belonged. Heroics weren’t for her. No, she belonged on the villainous side of the battle, she had been of more help to them. Walking is becoming a task, her feet feel so heavy, she is practically dragging them along. The panic attack has drained her already depleted energy reserve. She doesn’t mean to snub Keith and his attempts at conversation, but she doesn’t have the will to uphold it.

She doesn’t have the will to do anything more than wonder how it is that they haven’t run into any guards. Something was terribly wrong. Something…

 

Something. But her tired mind is having trouble piecing it together. She just knows that she doesn’t trust nor like it.

 

After a few more right turns, she comes to what she is looking for; a long strip of doors numbered in her mother tongue. They are prison numbers. “Your friend, the one who pilots the green lion, can she hack into the system and get these doors open?”

 

Keith nods, “she can.”

 

“Have her do it.”

 

Keith speaks into his communication device, “Pidge, we found the prisoners but we’re going to need your help to get them out.”

 

There is a long moment of drawn out silence and a faint, staticky, crackle. “Which one of your friends do you think would like to join the Galra Empire?”

 

“No.” Keith whispers.

 

She wishes that they would have just followed her.

 

“The Altean, perhaps.” The mocking crackle comes again. It is the rasp that gusts through her nightmares. The voice that reaped her of her comfort, her security. That reaped her of herself.

 

**.oOo.**

 

“Acxa, wait!”

 

She is fast, perhaps not as fast as she used to be, but she is still leagues ahead of him and he is almost certain that she is pushing herself far beyond her limits. She comes to an abrupt stop. As he pants, his eyes fall upon the cause of her sudden halt. Below them is a whole hoard of Galra. They cluster around Haggar and the egg of quintessence like worshipers to a God.

 

“How many beams, you got left in that gun?”

 

Acxa peers at it. “It needs charging. It probably has enough power left for one stun.”

 

He curses to himself. A single stun, not even a killing shot. He fishes around for a gun of his own, but he only has his blades.

 

“I have an idea.” And before he can ask what it is, she is scaling the beams and rafters on the ceiling, making her way towards the witch. He can’t call for her to come back nor retreat without drawing unwanted attention so he looks on in horror as she carefully climbs to a safe jumping height. He wished that she would have gone at least a little lower, the fall was going to do a number on her ankles. She makes the leap regardless, throwing both she and Haggar to the floor. She is stunned just as well as the woman she had pounced on, but she recovers quicker. A room full of guns land on her but hers is fixed on Haggar.

 

“The Paladins and the prisoners or the witch dies.”

 

Keith groans, so she was going to bullshit her way through this one.

 

The mass of Galra look to Haggar. Acxa holds her in a steely grip, her face startlingly blank. He can see the old Galra her very clearly, and not the one he had come to love. No, he was looking at the woman shot men down in Lotor’s name. This mission was terribly unhealthy for her.

 

“You fools.” Haggar spits. “Release the Paladins.”

 

“And the prisoners.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

She hopes that they will hurry, the fatigue is kicking in and she doesn’t know how long she can hold herself up, moreover, hold Haggar steady. The gun grows heavy in her hand. It takes so long for them to assemble the prisoners but Keith confirms that he sees them emerging from the hallway. She wills them to speed it up.

 

“They are free.” Says one of the guards.

 

“And the Paladins.”

 

A few more sets of guards come to the front and push them forward. “Our leader?”

 

“Not. Yet.” Acxa scoffs. “Keith get down here!” It is not a request and she speaks it openly and loudly. He comes to join them “Lead them back to our ship.” 

 

He nods and motions for his friends and the former captives to follow.

 

To Haggar, her command is much simpler. “Walk.”

 

And the witch obliges. The Galra part for them. Her grip is growing weaker as she moves Haggar through the crowd and she hopes with everything she has, that Haggar hasn’t made note of it. They are nearly at their ship and her stamina is nearly at its end.

Still, she is the last to board. And when she does, she has her back to the loading ramp. She doesn’t shove Haggar away until she is in the ship. They abandon the ramp and close the hatch.

And Acxa topples.


	7. Chapter 7

Once again, she aches all over, it takes her some time to recollect what she has done, how she has hurt herself. She has never been so sore after scaling buildings like that. And she has never had to take time to recuperate. But she is drained in the physical sense and in a mental one too. Acxa just hopes that she hasn’t damaged herself too terribly. She also hopes that she has made the right move, she thinks that she might have scared the paladins in so harshly taking dominance. All the same it had felt so good. It felt like her. Despite the weariness that has settled into her bones, she almost feels Galra again.

 

Her door opens.  She ignores the protests her body gives her and heaves herself into a sitting position. She props herself very heavily against the bedframe and stares at Keith. “Did we save them?” This much is still unclear to her, she doesn’t know what had happened after the hatch shut.

 

“Yeah, it was kind of a hassle making a getaway with a bunch of Galra ships firing at us and chasing us down, but we managed.” He hands her a snack bar and a cup of something dark in color and pungent in smell.

 

“What is it?” She asks.

 

“It’s called coffee, I think you can use a cup or two.” He winks. Though she doesn’t know what he is winking for. She drinks it down and sets the cup aside, trying to decide how she feels about the drink. It is bitter, she thinks.

 

“So, uh. You want to talk about what happened back there?”

 

Acxa tilts her head, “I do not know what you mean.”

 

“By the UV room. What happened there?”

 

The question takes her by surprise and she doesn’t want to answer it. “Don’t you want to know why I held Haggar captive.”

 

Keith laughs, “I know why you did _that_.” He pauses. “You were trying to prove yourself. I probably would have done the same thing.” He gives his answer time to settle before adding, “for what it’s worth, it worked.”

 

Acxa smiles. At least she has some good news to go with the oppressive tiredness.

 

“Of course, we’re putting you on bedrest again.” Shiro remarks as he passes by. “No more missions for you.” He chuckles

 

Taken aback, Acxa nearly cries out in protest.

 

“He’s kind of the dad of our group.” Keith notes. “He just doesn’t want you to push yourself too hard.”

 

Acxa folds her arms over her chest. “I don’t need bedrest.” She knows in her heart that half-Galra Acxa didn’t. But this version of herself, was begging for it. For the sake of her pride she decides that she will put up a fuss the whole time as she inwardly thanks Shiro for letting her have a break.

 

“Why don’t you lay down?” Keith asks. “You’re really tense right now.”

 

Acxa lowers herself back down to the pillow and lets Keith pull the blankets over her shoulders. To her pleasure, he begins massaging the spot between her shoulder blades. She lets out a soft sigh as he works away some of the strain. “Will you please tell me what happened back there.”

 

She basks in the sensation of his hands on her back for a moment longer before replying. “I don’t know, I guess…” she trails off trying to piece it together herself. “I guess that, seeing that room. It was like I was trapped in it all over again…” She curls her fingers around the bedsheets. “I felt like I—I wasn’t on a mission with you, I was…somewhere else. It was suffocating.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

Keith doesn’t know how she says it so nonchalantly. He continues rubbing and massaging her back and shoulder blades, working his way down. She had essentially told him that she was having flashbacks. He doesn’t know what to do with this.

Suddenly he isn’t sure if it is healthy to bring her along on these missions. But he can’t imagine her taking being sidelined well.

 

He traces his fingers over a collection of freckles that are more apparent now that they are on human skin.

 

“Are you really okay, coming on all of these missions.” He asks, knowing exactly how she will respond.

 

But she surprises him. “I…I’m not sure. They remind me of things I don’t like thinking about.” She pauses. “But I can’t just hide. There’s no dignity in hiding. I have to face the witch and I have to get rid of her. That is how I can make it better.”

 

“Respectable.” He comments, but he doesn’t know if he entirely agrees with this approach. “You don’t have to do it alone.” It is the best he can do for now.

 

**.oOo.**

 

“I know.” She replies. She knows, but it is no less strange. Odd, indeed, to think that she has people who want to help her shoulder the weight of things. Odder still that she is no longer alone. 

 

“You up for a trip to the cafeteria?” Keith asks.

 

She shakes her head. She doesn’t know if her human legs can hold her up long enough to do so. But she doesn’t want to seem resentful or bitter like that coffee stuff. “You can tell your friends to come up here though.”

 

This brings a delighted sparkle to Keith’s eyes. She considers, for the first time, the toll her feud with the paladins might have put on him and she quietly apologizes.

 

“What are you sorry for?”

 

“Making things hard for your friends.”

 

Keith sighs, “it takes two to tango…or in this case, apparently five. I don’t think Hunk counts.”

 

“Tango?”

 

“Maybe I’ll teach you to do it one day. I’ll have to learn the dance first though.” He says as he goes to fetch the others.

 

She doesn’t like being alone, even if he will be back shortly. She has been alone for so long and it has left her with so much time to do so many horrible and desperate things. It has also left her with plenty of time to dwell on herself and preen out the of herself. Even so, she doesn’t want to be alone again.

 

These days being alone means thinking about the weight of things. Up until now she has contemplated what she would do when her Galra blood returned to her. But now, with her human body hurting all over, she speculates what she will do if it does not.

 

What if she can’t return to who she was? She looks at her hand and flexes her fingers. Skills, stamina, and endurance aside, does she like this body? Does she like the look of it? She hadn’t put much thought into whether or not she liked her half-Galra appearance. With an unsettling feeling churning in her stomach, she concludes that she hadn’t exactly. In fact her mixed blood had given her a good many insecurities; the Galra and humans alike though of her as some kind of freak, until she started feeling the same. Until she longed to look like the other Galra and less like her; until she wanted her skin to take on a purple hue instead of a blue one. Until she wanted her eyes to be fully yellow and her teeth to be sharper.

She realizes with a degree of shock and horror that this is what she had wanted all along. She had practically begged the universe to make her a full-blood; _technically_ she never specified which half of her blood she wanted to fully take on.

 

Acxa hears the chatter as the Keith brings his friends closer and she is thankful for the distraction.

 

Hunk is the first person to enter the room, “I saved you some muffins and the last slice of pizza!”

 

She isn’t certain, but he makes it sound like that was a noble thing to do, so she thanks him for his noble sacrifice.

 

“He never saves me the last slice.” Pidge comments.

 

“She kind of saved our whole mission, I think that she at least earned the last slice of pizza.” Lance notes.

 

A part of Acxa wants to be resentful, to ask him how he can be kind so quickly after accusing her of some degree of treachery. Frankly that kind of slight is cause for a drawn-out feud.

 

“Think of it as an apology.” Allura makes herself cozy on the edge of the bed. “We shouldn’t have written you off so fast. We’re all trying to get used to each other and…it wasn’t fair.”

 

Acxa almost feels like crying, no one has ever apologized to her before. She didn’t think anyone cared enough for her to do so. Allura holds her hand out and Acxa gives it a firm shake.

 

“Our team will be better if we all stop making assumptions.” Shiro agrees.

 

Acxa nods. “Yes.” She feels as though it is her turn to apologize. “I should have trusted you all. You know how much humans can handle better than I do.”

 

Lance sighs. “That’s the thing, every human can handle different things. I’m sure the Galra are the same.”

 

“We…they are.” Acxa replies. She picks up the slice of pizza, Hunk has so kindly saved her.

 

Lance holds out his hand, “friends?”

 

With her free hand she takes his and repeats him. So it is done, they have made some kind of human pact to get along.

 

**.oOo.**

 

He lets Acxa pick the album again. Led Zeppelin is tonight’s choice. He holds her very close to him, it still haunts him that her nightmares can possibly bleed into her day to day life. He holds her closer still. And it disturbs him more that she downplays it. He considers how alike humans and Galra really are and wonders if any of them came back from battle with a frightening case of PTSD. Again he looks at Acxa, he still doesn’t know just how much she has seen; even before Haggar he can only imagine what she has been through.

 

He has been through a lot himself. He kisses the top of her head. That kind of thing is what he wishes someone would have done for him. He wishes that he had an easier time making friends. But then, his own teenage angst and isolation is probably what helps him connect with Acxa. He understands. He was the outsider.

 

He feels her tilt her head up. He hadn’t realized that she was still awake. “Keith?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Am I a pretty human?”

 

Truth be told he hasn’t put much thought into that. He supposes that he thinks the answer is obvious enough. Her eyes are such a soft and inviting shade of blue and her skin a warm tan shade. Though her facial features are considerably softer than they were before, he thinks that it suits her. The black hair that frames her face is silky and smells nice. It is cut in a more jagged way that compliments her face. “Very.” He assures and ruffles her hair.

 

**.oOo.**

 

She feels silly for having asked such a trivial and superficial question, but the answer he gives is so very comforting. After some thinking, she had come to decide with herself that she, at the very least, look decent. But she thinks that she is rather okay with her human appearance. Hearing Keith agree is reassuring.

 

She looks him up and down. He is lean and toned, a very large attribute of beauty amid the Galra. And his small collection of scars add the extra flare that is coveted among Galra men. He has the look of a warrior, the look of bravery. It is a flattering look. “You are too.” She smiles. She wonders what his means of assessing her were. She hopes he has accounted for the scars she has earned, those are important and they show up so well on her human skin.

 

She runs her fingers over Keith’s scars. She knows that the one across his chest is the newest. She had seen him get it, and it is one that he should take pride in. She kisses the raised flesh and nuzzles back into her pillow.


	8. Chapter 8

It is nice to wake up to Keith and even nicer to wake up knowing that much of the bad blood has been cleared. She is still rather sore but the weariness is slowly ebbing away. She sits up and stretches her arms. With any luck, she’d have her energy back in another day. Evidently, she still feels rather refreshed; asking her silly question had lifted a weight that she didn’t know she had carried and she intends to lift another.

 

Keith is still asleep as he usually is when she awakens. She brushes her hand over his hair and kisses his ear. The CD she had chosen had run out of songs during the night, but she wants to start her morning with another. She thinks of waking Keith but she doesn’t want to wake him for something so minor. So, making as little noise as possible, she tip toes over to the radio and looks it over. The little symbols on it, have no meaning to her, so she tries to recall what buttons Keith had pressed. She pokes at a few of them, but the CD compartment does not open. She tries twisting the knob on top, until it can be turned no more. She rubs her chin when it still does not open. As a last effort she tries pushing on the latch, this is what opens the compartment. Satisfied with herself, she puts the Led Zeppelin album back in its place and finds a new one. She does not know what an Iron Maiden is, but the album cover looks interesting enough. She puts the disk in and presses numerous buttons until the music beings.

What she didn’t expect was the volume of it. She jolts as Keith bolts up, nearly leaping right from the mattress. He scrambles up to the radio and turns the knob in the opposite direction she had.

 

“Sorry…” She mumbles.

 

Keith laughs. “Well, gee, if you wanted me to wake up you could have just shook me or something.” He rubs the back of his head and then rubs the sleep from his eyes. “I’m going to have to teach you to use the radio, aren’t I?”

 

Acxa nods, she has been curious about it from the start. But that isn’t what she wants to do today. “Keith, I have to ask you something.”

 

“Go for it.” He seems like he is in such a good mood and she doesn’t want to ruin it by brining up dismal subjects.

 

She doesn’t exactly know how to ask, just thinking of it brings a tinge of pink to her cheeks. But she is curious no less. “Do you like half-Galra me or human me better?”

 

**.oOo.**

 

He doesn’t know why she asks these kinds of questions. It doesn’t particularly bother him any, but he doesn’t understand the need. These questions always take him by surprise because throughout their battles she always had such an impeccable air of confidence. It is strange to hear her vocalize her insecurities. Strange, but oddly reassuring; he knows, ultimately, that she is comfortable with him. And he supposes that, maybe—probably, she harbored these uncertainties all along. It was simply safer to keep them to herself.

Even still he can’t give her the answer she is probably looking for. A definitive one.

 

“I guess I don’t have a preference.” He starts.

 

She tilts her head.

 

“Half-Galra or human, I don’t see a difference.”

 

“I can ask Veronica if you can borrow her glasses.” Acxa replies.

 

He has to laugh because he can’t tell if she is joking or if she really has taken his word literally. “Okay, you look different. But that’s not what I meant. I meant that you’re still you. Half-Galra or human, you still act like you.” He stares at her for a second, “why?”

 

She runs her fingers through her hair before answering with a question of her own. “Would you be upset with me if I said that I didn’t want to be half-Galra again?”

 

The question throws him off guard. He has been under the impression that, that was one of her many motivations for going on missions with them. “Why would I be?”

 

She shrugs.

 

“That’s your decision to make, not mine. Do what makes you comfortable.”

 

 

**.oOo.**

 

But that was just it, she doesn’t know what would make her feel comfortable. She looks to the floor, on one hand she missed aspects of her Galra self; the horns, the look of her eyes, and, more than anything, the battle perks of her Galra blood.

On the other hand, she thinks that her fully human self is easier to love. It brings her a sense of security in fully belonging to one species. She thinks that she can work around human physical limitations.

 

“Do you have even a slight preference?”

 

“Acxa, I like you the way you are.” He cups her cheek and tenderly strokes it with his thumb.

 

She could take that as him telling her that he liked fully human Acxa, but she knows better. She knows exactly what he means. She knows that this is another rephrasing of, ‘whatever makes you happy, makes me happy.’ “I don’t know what makes me happy.” She confesses. Years ago after parting ways with Lotor, she vowed to forge her own path and her own goals. She didn’t realize how many of her desires, how much of her personality, had been shaped by others until then. Until she found herself truly free. A few years and she still doesn’t know exactly what leaves her feeling fulfilled and stable.

Acceptance, she decides. She craves unconditional love and acceptance.

But that was just one thing.

One thing of many.

 

“How about this.” Keith interrupts her thoughts. “Whatever happens, happens.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“You don’t know if you want to stay human or go back to being half Galra, so just see what happens.” He rephrases. “If we manage to get our hands on Haggar’s research notes and equipment go back to being half Galra. If we can’t, then we can’t and it’s no big deal, right?”

 

It seems so simple. So simple, yet so logical. “Right.” She agrees. She isn’t one to just let things fall into place, in fact she doesn’t care for the lack of control that comes with leaving things to fate. But perhaps it is time for another risk.

A risk has earned her, her freedom.

A risk has earned her companionship.

 

She slides her arms around Keith’s middle and squeezes. “Thank you, Keith.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

He can’t help but grow somber in Acxa’s embrace. Truth be told, despite his words, he was worried about her and the decision she would make. He frets that she will make a choice that she will regret, one that she won’t be able to come back from.

 

She pulls out of their embrace and splays herself across the bed again. She is wearing his sweater—something that made one perk of her having a smaller build—and a pair of fuzzy slippers. All in all she looks cozy.

 

“I’m going to be going to a meeting with the paladins about Haggar. Coran thinks that he found her main laboratory. It’s in a few hours, do you want to come or should I fill you in?”

 

“I will come with.”

 

He hadn’t expected any different of her. “Alright, well I’m going to go grab a shower.”

 

He turns the knob and lets hot water run over his naked skin. It runs in rivulets over the curves of his muscles and a relaxing feeling settles in. He needed a good shower it gives him time to clear his head. All in all, he decides that he doesn’t regret anything that has happened so far. He still feels bad for snapping at Acxa, but he is happy that it happened all the same. Somehow, he feels as though it was what was needed to get her to let down some of her walls.  She is a hard woman to crack but he thinks that she is finally letting people in. People who aren’t just him.

And she needs that. He wants her to bond with others.

 

Steam is beginning to curl around him as he lathers his hair. He is anxious for the meeting because he doesn’t know if he’s ready to lead the paladins into Haggar’s laboratory. They had just barely made it out the last time. He likes to think that he is a solid leader, but having a good five or six recent failed missions and only two successes doesn’t do his confidence nor stress levels any good.

 

What if he can’t make the right call when it matters the most?  What if he will lead his friends to destruction and save no one? He knows the answer. And he knows that it is grim. He knows that to fail this mission is to fail the universe. If they can’t stop her, Haggar will have a full-blown Galra army and probably the resurrection of her son.

 

Keith shudders.

 

He has to toughen up and be the leader everyone is expecting.

He has to put on his brave face, though he is feeling anything but courageous.

 

 

**.oOo.**

 

 Little beads of moisture cling to his hair, giving him a charm that flutters Acxa’s belly. “You take long showers.” She notes.

 

“Yeah, I have a lot to think about.” He said glumly.

 

“What were you thinking about?” She asks. Whatever it was, it had sapped away the morning’s optimism.

 

“I’m worried about the mission.” He admits. “I don’t know why I’m the group leader…”

 

Acxa puts a hand on his shoulder. “Because you are good at it, Keith.”

 

“Good at it?” Keith questions. “I yelled at you and helped isolate you from the team. And then, during the last mission, I let them argue with you again and you ended up on your own and…”

 

She can tell that he doesn’t want to say it so she cuts in, “I can handle myself.”

 

“But a good leader wouldn’t have forced you to.”

 

“You didn’t force me to do anything.” She sternly objects. “You could be a lot worse. Look at what happened to my old team. Narti is dead. Lotor killed her. I betrayed Lotor and then I abandoned Zethrid and Ezor. At least you didn’t kill your own comrades. At least you didn’t abandon or double cross them. You’re honest and you do what you think is best.”

 

“Right, I’m not a murderer, at least I have that. At the rate things are going I might just turn everyone against each other.”

 

He has missed the point, “a team is going to have falling outs.” She pauses. “Believe it or not, I talked to Ezor and Zethrid again. We worked some things out. Even if your friends fight me again…or fight each other, I’m sure you can help sort things out.”

 

“When did you talk to Ezor and Zethrid?”

 

“When I was taken by Haggar. She was experimenting on them too. “They were taken to a different laboratory than I. I think it is the one we plan on infiltrating.” She knits her brows and her expression changes entirely, “don’t change the subject on me, Keith!”

 

He gives a soft chuckle. “You caught me.”

 

“You’re a good leader.” She locks eyes with him. “I’ve been under so many leaders and none of them have treated me as well as you. You have something that they don’t.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Compassion.” She answers. “You are patient and encouraging. You treat your comrades as equals. That is important, Keith. That is why our team can afford fights and fall outs, because there is a lot of trust and respect.”

 

“Are you sure that you don’t want to be the team leader.” Keith offers.

 

“I apricate the offer, but I am more of a follower.” She is more comfortable being second in command.

 

Keith looks at the time. “Hey, I think you should grab a shower before the meeting.”

 

She shoots him a stern glare.

 

“I’m not trying to change the subject, I swear.” He lifts his hands. “I just need time to think about what you said.”

 

She folds her arms, she doesn’t entirely believe him. But she gives in regardless, she really could use a shower. Truth be told she has been avoiding the shower because it always left her even more room to dwell on her transformation. “Knock, if I take too long.”

 

He nods and with that, she closes the door and slips out of Keith’s sweater. In the mirror she notes that most of the bruises are gone, there are only faint traces of them on her hips. She supposes that this is a good thing. But it alarms her all the same, because they should be fully gone by now.

 

She also notes that it is becoming easier to look at herself again, there is no more unease nor surprise. She is growing somewhat used to her reflection; it is becoming familiar though she still discovers new aspects of it every now and again.

 

As she stands in the shower, she makes such a discovery. It is a birthmark, much like many of her freckles, it had been so faint on her Galra skin that she hadn’t noticed it before. It is a small blotch on the side of her elbow and she notices it while sweeping the soap down her arm. She wonders if Keith had noticed it. He had certainly noticed the freckles. She smiles to herself, now that she has had some time with her human body, she finds that she rather enjoys these little discoveries. These little things that make her who she is.

 

She hears a knock on the door and hurries to wrap things up.

 

**.oOo.**

 

He feels sort of bad for dragging Acxa with him while her hair is still dripping. He asks her if she is sure that she doesn’t want him to fetch another towel. She hushes him and tells him that they don’t have time for that and that wet hair is probably the easiest struggle she has to deal with.

 

Shiro stands at the head of the table. “Very recently, Coran and Allura have picked up a Glara transmission. A very important one, and that is what we are here to discuss.” He opens the floor to Coran.

 

“By chance, we happened upon a signal that came from one of Haggar’s labs.” Coran explains. “We managed to trace it before we were discovered. What we found out is that we had come across a laboratory much bigger than the other ones we’ve infiltrated so far.”

 

“We think that this larger laboratory is the heart of her experimentation. If Haggar has any research notes left, we think that they will be in there.” Allura adds. “The problem is, the witch knows that we know where she is hiding. Which is why we have to act fast.”

 

“Fast but with a plan.” Shiro puts in.

 

“We may have more time then we think.” Lane points out. “She can’t move a whole laboratory in one day.”

 

“Yeah, but she can move her notes.” Pidge says.

 

“Who cares about the notes, it’s the prisoners we need to save.” Hunk replies.

 

“Acxa cares about those notes.” Veronica speaks up and faces turn to look at the former half-Galra.

 

“The notes are a low priority.” She says smoothly. “Keith and I have discussed this earlier. If you can retrieve the notes safely, get them. If you can’t, then I suppose that I will figure something else out.”

 

“So, like, no hard feelings if we can’t turn you back?” Hunk asks hopefully.

 

“No hard feelings.” She confirms. “I would rather have Ezor and Zethrid back.”

 

“Oh yeah…I forgot about them.” Hunk winces.

 

“We’d all rather have the prisoners safe.” Shiro concludes, “everyone is in agreement there.”

 

“We’d also all rather make sure everyone on this team makes it out safely.” Keith notes. “I know that we try to put the universe first, I also know that this was a bit controversial, but Acxa had a point on our first mission together. We have to look out for ourselves and each other too.”

 

This initiates a soft mutter and he sees Acxa tense up next to him. But he feels confident so he explains himself further.

 

“She was right; if something happens to us then there is—I won’t say nothing standing between Haggar and domination. But losing Voltron would give her a huge advantage. Prioritize the public but look out for each other.”  

 

This time the mummer is more positive. He leans closer to Acxa and whispers to her. “It’s all about how you phrase it. Humans like explanations and feelings, they don’t just obey commands like Galra soldiers.”

 

Acxa nods and then smugly whispers, “see, you’re a great leader.”

 

“So we’ve laid down our priorities and the kind of mission we’ll be on.” Shiro said. “Now for the tough part. We’re going to need a plan.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

_They scream at her and they beg her. They ask her why she has left them as they burn away in a flash of blinding magenta. The fur on Zethrid’s head falls out in clumps as the UV takes her over. Ezor screams, pleading with Acxa to stop, but her hand is stuck on the lever. She wants to pull it up and off but her arm won’t let her._

_Because it is not hers._

_The flesh of her hand is much too purple and her claws are more pronounced. She can’t see them but she knows that her horns jut out much further and more majestically than they ever have. She knows that her eyes lack irises and pupils and that they glow a very vibrant yellow as she watches Ezor cry and melt away._

_“Why are you doing this to us?” Zethrid growls._

_Acxa doesn’t know. Why is she doing this to them? Why can’t she stop?_

_The magenta glow intensifies and she is somewhere new entirely with her former companions’ screams still echoing in the distance. She is trapped within a sticky ooze of quintessence. She tries to pull her arm up, but it is still stuck. Even with a fully sculpted and bulky Galra build, she doesn’t have the strength to pull herself out of the mess. It is her turn to scream as the quintessence creeps up her arms, pulsing like the innards of a weblum._

_She calls out for Keith but she is alone and she knows that she is alone._

_Keith promised her that she’d never be alone again. She promised that she would never isolate herself again. Yet the quintessence attacked and she hadn’t a companion to help her. She thrashes with as much force as she can, but it seems to only drag her deeper under._

_She cries out again as the goo tightens around her legs and arms. It has reached her stomach now and the weight of it restricts her breathing. She struggles against it but it still manages to get in. It flows into her mouth, clogging her throat and cutting off her cries. Even if she had kept her mouth closed it would have gotten in. She know so because it enters her ears and her nose._

_She can’t breathe._

_Higher powers, she can’t breathe._

_She squeezes her eyes shut._

 

And they burst open. The blankets twisted unpleasantly around her and her hands are clutching the blanket to the point of puncturing small holes with her nails. She still can’t breathe and the panic sets in. It takes her too long to realize that the blanket had wrapped around her neck in sleep. Quickly she claws it off and sucks in generous breaths. She looks at her hands, her un-clawed, lightly tanned hands. She still her.

 

Her breathing settles so she gets out of bed and creeps down the hall. She doesn’t mean to be a bother but she needs to remind herself that she isn’t alone. Keith answers the door. “Still having trouble sleeping in your own room?” There is a slightly humored look in his eyes. “Come on.” He beckons her inside, slings an arm over her shoulders, and leads her to his bed.


	9. Chapter 9

There invasion is more or less full scale. There is no subtlety. No sneaking around. Acxa had said that an attack of this sort is best done directly. Keith agreed that she had another good point; they wouldn’t be able to maintain the manpower they needed for the mission and sneak around at the same time. It was either creep about with wit and intellect or numbers and brute strength. The last time they had gone for stealth, it had almost ended poorly. The last few times, in fact. So, this time, they will utilize a new strategy. This time they will take the Galra approach to fighting.

 

Keith’s heart pounds as they near the compound. If things went well, if they managed to breech the laboratory, a few of them would sneak off to a stealthier mission. Preferably Acxa and Pidge would be the ones for that. They are the smallest, and this side mission is mostly for the sake of Acxa anyways.

 

“Do you really think we can take her down already?” Hunk asks. “I don’t think that I’m ready for this.”

 

“You are ready, Hunk. We’ve fought Haggar before, we beat Zarkon, we beat Lotor, and we survived a weblum. We can infiltrate a lab and beat Haggar again.”  Keith replies, he has to keep Hunk’s morale and sense of courage up. They can’t afford a lapse in either of those things today. “We’re a team Hunk, and if we can remember that, we’ll be fine.”

 

The laboratory looms ever closer.

They will be there within the hour.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Acxa knows that a lot is at stake. Her shot at being half-Galra again—or at least the ability to choose. Ezor and Zethrid’s freedom—their lives, perhaps. The lives of the other prisoners, both Galra and human alike.

She is not used to having so many people depending on her actions. It is daunting. Intimidating to the point were a teeny fragment of her mind wishes that she was on the other side of the war again. The side where she was only one solider and her actions had less consequence. She wishes that she didn’t have the moral code that she did. But at the same time, she can’t fathom herself without it. She isn’t the most secure in body, but she is confident in her soul.

 

She readies her weapons. If nothing else, she will save Ezor and Zethrid. And if her life is what she must give to do so, then she will fall trying. A noble, wholly Galra death.

 

“Wow, you look pissed.” Lance comments.

 

“Hmmm…” Veronica trails off, “I’d say it’s more like grim. She looks grim.”

 

“What’s wrong?” Lance asks.

 

“I’m thinking about my death.”

 

“Oh…wow.” Nadia comments. “You have a way with words.”

 

Acxa’s face flushes. She still forgets that humans are not quite as blunt as her people. “I mean, I am thinking of who I am willing to die for if I have to.”

 

Veronica squeezes her hand. “You’re not going to die. We won’t let that happen.”

 

But they don’t realize that she will die for them if she has to. She hasn’t known them terribly long, but they have shown her more compassion and acceptance in that small window than anyone has afforded her in her lifetime. She will not let them die for her.

 

**.oOo.**

 

When they touch down, Keith is overpowered by a nauseating smell. It is the scent of death and corrosion with an unbearable acidic tang. He wonders how Haggar can tolerate it. He wonders how Acxa had dealt with it. He spares her a look, and he can see it on her that she is uncomfortable. He hates dragging her so close to terrible memories, but he knows that she’d have fought him if he hadn’t.

He hugs her close before the latch opens.

 

Shiro faces the laboratory with hard eyes. As soon as the loading dock hits the ground with its rebounding metallic bang he calls for them to attack. They surge forward with a fury and a purpose.

 

Keith looks to Acxa. “Stay close to Pidge and I, if you can. Once we make it into the lab we’ll go for Haggar’s research notes.”

 

“We’ll go for the prisoners.” Acxa argues. “The notes are secondary.”

 

“If things go as planned, there will be enough fuss for the prisoners to free themselves and fight with us.”

 

“What about the ones who are in the middle of being experimented on?” Pidge questions.

 

“That’s where Lance, Allura and Veronica come in.” Keith reminds her.

 

“Right.”

 

“And if they need back up, “Hunk, Shiro, and Coran will step in.” Keith adds. “Everyone else will be fighting Haggar’s army.”

 

“Coran’s in this battle.” Acxa looks completely befuddled.

 

“Every man we got is on the field today.” Keith replies.

 

“He’s more competent than he makes himself out to be, he’ll be okay.” Pidge notes. “Look out!”

 

Just on time, Keith ducks under a Galra blade. He draws his own weapon and brings it down on his opponent. A swift and sturdy kick to the man’s kneecaps had him toppling. Keith dashes forward, he can’t waste all of his time. “Pidge, Acxa, don’t spend too much time on one person. Stun and run.”

 

Hunk chuckles next to him. “Stun ‘n run. I like it.”

 

Keith rolls his eyes, at least they’ll remember it. He notices though, that Acxa is already a few leagues ahead of them. She weaves her way in and out of the soldiers. What she now lacks in physical strength, she makes up for in speed.

 

“Damn.” He hisses, she might just be getting too far ahead. “Okay Pidge, forget stun. Just run.” He tries to mimic the way Acxa moves. Pidge imitates her nearly flawlessly. He is having trouble, he’s not short enough to go unnoticed nor to doge blades and shots like they do. He speaks into his communication device. “Once you make it inside, find a spot to wait for me, I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He huffs as he ducks under a deadly looking beam.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Acxa throws herself behind a pillar. She hadn’t exactly meant to get so far ahead of the group. She hadn’t expected to have the capability still. She readies her gun as a figure appears. It raises its hands, “don’t shoot.”

 

Acxa lowers the gun. “How far back is Keith?”

 

“Pretty far.” Pidge frowns.

 

“We’ll break into the laboratory.” Acxa says. “It will be easier for him to find us in there.”

 

She peeks her head around the pillar and motions for Pidge to follow. All of the enemy forces had surged forward, leaving an unguarded gap between themselves and the door.

 

“Wow, that’s convenient.”

 

“For now. It’ll be heavily guarded when we get inside.”

 

“We could plant a bomb, that’ll get the doors open and maybe take down some of the guards.” Pidge suggested.

 

“That will work. It should anyways.”

 

Pidge pulls a few mines from her arsenal and syncs them up with her detonator. “Think you can plant them?”

 

Acxa nods.

 

**.oOo.**

 

He is panting and sore but he has almost caught up. He can see them lingering at the door to the laboratory and wonders why they haven’t just went in. He rams his elbow into the stomach of a Galra and watches him drop. He is so close to being in the clear. He is caught in a tangle of limbs, mostly Galra and struggles to fight his way out of it.

 

By the time he wiggles his way out of their grasp he is even shorter of breath and frighteningly low on stamina. He catches sight of Allura in a midair twirl, she lands elegantly behind her foe and lands a hard kick on the Galra woman’s head.

 

An explosion rocks the battlefield.

The door to the laboratory has been blasted open and the dots connect.

 

He pushes himself onward and throws himself into the tumult within the lab. It is smoky and flames still lick the entry room. It is hard to find Acxa and Pidge amid the chaos. “Where are you guys?” He askes into his communication device.

 

Their connection is staticy but he can hear Acxa mutter some directions. He requests repetition. Instead, she pings him her location and he hurries towards the dot pulsing on his hologram map. She and Pidge are huddled under a desk, he knows that the sneaky part of their battle has begun. He watches Acxa run her eyes over her own map. She purses her lips in concentration and finally speaks. “Third floor, to the right. That’s where the prisoners human prisoners are being held. The Galra prisoners are to the left. While group B frees those, have group C check floor four, that’s where the UV rooms are.”

 

“Alright so Allura’s group to floor three and Hunk’s to group to floor four.” He bit his lip, so far things weren’t going according to plan. He was a fool to not consider that one group—in this case, his—would make it to the lab before everyone else. As quietly as possible he relays the new plan. “Groups B and C, this is Keith from Group A…”

 

“We know who you are.” Lance cuts him off.

 

He scowls to himself but he doesn’t have time for petty arguments. “This is group A, reporting that we’ve breeched the lab so there will be a slight change in plans. Group A will proceed with finding the research notes. The first group to make it in, B or C will be in charge of freeing the prisoners who aren’t in the UV rooms on floor…”

 

“Three.” Acxa repeats herself.

 

“On floor three. The remaining group will free those who are being experimented on. According to Acxa there are multiple UV rooms in this lab.”

 

“If you lose your sense of direction just follow the tubes of quintessence, they go into the UV rooms.” Acxa adds.

 

“Confirm?”

 

“We got it Keith.” Hunk says.

 

“We understand too.” Veronica states.

 

“The rest of us hold our ground on the battlefield?” Kinkade asks.

 

“Correct.” Keith replies. “You and everyone else will stick to the original plan.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

She doesn’t vocalize it, but she wants to abandon her post and make her way to floor three. She wants nothing more than to find Ezor and Zethrid.

 

“What floor will the notes be on.”

 

Acxa frowns. “They will probably be with Haggar herself. Either her sleeping quarters or an office of sorts.” She peers at the map. “The top floor.”

 

“Great.” Pidge grumbles. “Of course they’re on the top floor.”

 

“That won’t be a problem if we can swipe some uniforms, preferably the ones with helmets.”

 

“Way a head of you.” Keith smirks, dumping a pile of clothes in front of them. “Pidge is the smallest so she’ll take that one.” He hands it to the girl. “This one is probably going to be a bit big on you.”

 

“It doesn’t matter as long as I won’t be tripping over it.” Frankly she just wants to get things moving. She slips into the enemy uniform and pulls the helmet over her head. It doesn’t fit too poorly, but it isn’t exactly ideal after having been spoiled with custom fit uniforms.

 

They try to exude an air of confidence as if they are supposed to be there as they climb a few flights of stairs.

 

“Ya know, elevators were invented for a reason.” Keith remarks to no one in particular.

 

“The last thing we need is to get stuck in an elevator, Keith. This is the most fool proof way.” Pidge counters.

 

“I guess.”

 

They make it to floor four and Acxa fights the feeling of dread that washes over her as the soft buzzing meets her ears. She tries to block it out and ascends the staircase that much faster. At last they reach the seventh and final floor. That is when the commotion begins a few floors down. The sound of an alarm lets her know that either group B or group C had successfully opened the holding cells. She curses softly to herself, “we have to hide.”

 

“But we’re in uniform.” Keith frowns.

 

“Something tells me that only Haggar and maybe a few specific soldiers are allowed on this floor.” Pidge agrees.

 

Acxa watches as Pidge punches a few numbers into her stolen uniform’s digital operating system. “Help me out with this.” She whispers to Acxa. “What do these symbols mean.”

 

“They are command prompts.” Acxa replies.

 

“Do any of them control the power.”

 

Acxa points at one and Pidge hits it. She hits the red symbol and the power cuts. They conceal themselves in the shadowed areas behind a row of file cabinets. Now it is a matter of waiting out the sound of footsteps.

 

“You fools.” The voice sends chills down Acxa’s spine. “There are more of you than there are them. So how is it that they’ve managed to free the prisoners _and_ kill our power supply?”

 

Acxa’s heart thunders but she knows what she has to do. “Cover me.” She whispers and before Keith can protest, she leaps from her hiding spot and lands a kick on one of Haggar’s six guards. He topples as a cussing Keith charges for another. Pidge takes down another.

 

Acxa has the witch by the throat.

 

This time she gives a raspy chuckle. “Do you really think I’m going to let you do that again.” In a twinkling flash of quintessence, the woman is no longer in her grasp. She feels a burst of energy erupt against her back and she stumbles forward and to the ground.

 

“Acxa!”

 

“Focus on your battle, there are still three guards left.” Acxa scolds.

 

“Make that two.” Pidge comments.

 

Acxa throws herself to the side as another burst of energy is thrown towards her. She pulls her gun and fires a few rounds. Only one hits the witch, but she remains unfazed.

 

Another guard drops and then the last.

 

“Oh now, this isn’t a very fair fight is it.” Haggar’s grin is taunting. She materializes behind Keith. “How about you call off your army. Return my prisoners and I’ll let him live.”

 

Acxa swallows.

 

“Not so nice is it?” Haggar’s smirk widens. “Being on the other side of this.”

 

“Don’t call them off.” Keith winces as she squeezes him tighter.

 

“You know, it’s a shame.” Haggar mutters. “You could have been an honorable solider. You could have ruled the galaxy with me.” She drums her fingertips on Keith’s head. “I was going to make you a full-blood Galra, you know. But I worried about your loyalties.”

 

“You were right to worry.” Acxa confirms.

 

Haggar sighs, “yes, a shame.” She repeats. “You could have been powerful.” She claws at Keith’s hair line until a thin trail of blood trickles forth. “You still can be, I can’t give you full Galra blood. All you have to do is let the boy…and that girl, die.”

 

To be a full Galra…

Acxa clenches her fists. It would be so nice to have that. It would take away the insecurities she harbored. It would take them away without her having to throw away her Galra advantages. She would have a chance to be something.

 

“You can be a full Galra and you could marry my son.”

 

Her heart flutters at the mention.

 

“I can’t imagine him turning you down then.”

 

It surprises her how much she truly misses Lotor. The kind Lotor who had saved her from the streets and from being completely outcasted. The Lotor she cherished before the quintessence had taken over.

 

“Think of it as a second chance. A grand rebirth.”

 

**.oOo.**

 

Keith says nothing. He says nothing because he knows that she is smarter than that. He says nothing until she locks eyes with the witch and asks, “can you really make that happen?”

 

Her soft voice is dribbled with sincerity and a heat rises to Keith’s cheeks. “Are you really going to hear her out?”

 

To his surprise, Haggar doesn’t punish him. She doesn’t even silence him.

 

“He doesn’t understand.” The witch continues. And he realizes what she is doing. She hadn’t hurt him because that would have brought some reality back to Acxa. “I’ll make you an offer. You come with me now, and I’ll make the boy a full Galra too.” She strokes his hair. “He’s already halfway there.”

 

“You’ll make Keith a Galra too?” Acxa repeats.

 

Haggar nods. “And then you can choose. You can have my son’s hand in marriage or his. Hell, you can have both if that’s what you really want. All it takes is returning my prisoners and one last trip to the UV room, how about it?”

 

“Okay.”

 

“You really do like to flop sides, don’t you!?” Pidge exclaims.

 

“You don’t understand.” The look in Acxa’s eyes is so terrifying foreign. It is a perplexing mixture of longing and sorrow and of victory and relief. “This is my only chance.”

 

“You had a chance with me.” Keith says, his voice hitches.

 

She smiles softly, “I still do, when we’re both Galra.”

 

Haggar motions for her fully recovered guards to take hold of him and seize Pidge. “Come on then.” She sets a falsely tentative hand on Acxa’s shoulder. He is forced to follow them down the hall. To his horror, there is a UV room at its end. His final plan, to use the commotion below, is obliterated.

 

“I’m sorry, Keith.”

 

Keith turns is head, he won’t look at her if he can help it.

 

“I do care about you.”

  
He almost gives it a bitter laugh.

 

**.oOo.**

 

Acxa lets Haggar lead her into the room. Her head dips and her heart is heavy because she knows that he hates her. He hates everything she is, was, and would become. He hates her with everything in him. But that is fine by her, because he would love again her in the end.

 

This UV room is different from the one she had been in. A dome of quintessence pulses so brightly in front of her. A tear makes its way down her cheek. She waits for Haggar to lock the door before smashing the thing to pieces.

 

Her world is lost in a bright magenta burst and the sound of shattering glass.

With any luck, it will burn the witch away too.


	10. Chapter 10

Pure terror claws at him when he hears two bodies hit the floor. The burst hadn’t done his nerves any favors. He really doesn’t want to open the door. So he doesn’t, he lets Pidge do it. And his world is so quiet. Everything is so, so quiet.

 

The witch is only a skeleton. He doesn’t want to see Acxa’s condition. If she had initiated the burst, it was probably worse. But then, Acxa had armor and a helmet, Haggar had only a robe. “I’m sorry Keith.” Pidge says and the lump in his throat grows.

 

Acxa’s body is charred, mostly on the left half. The suit has preserved skin, but it is burning at it. Keith ignores the white hot pain that shoots through his hands and tears the uniform off of her before it can burn her any worse.

 

He had practically told her that he hated her. Is that the last thing she thought of before smashing the quintessence dome. Her body is so hot and so bloodied. He cradles it against himself regardless and a scream tears from his throat. He strokes what is left of her hair.

It must have hurt so horribly.

 

He can’t process it. “You can’t leave me, not on _that_ note.” He pleads with her.

 

He sees Pidge wince because he is speaking to a corpse.

 

“We haven’t listened to the rest of my CD’s. I never showed you how to use the radio.” He mutters as if that would wake her up. He holds her closer and he squeezes her hand with his free one.

And she squeezes it back.

 

He snaps back to himself. “Pidge, find me those research notes.”  The girl doesn’t hesitate and he doesn’t either. He feels terrible leaving her without an explanation, but he doesn’t have time to explain. She doesn’t have time for him to explain. He tears through the draws with no regard for their former positions. He only stops to scan them for a translation.

 

“I found them!” Pidge runs up to him after some time. Too much time.

 

He instructs her to hang on to them and lifts Acxa. She shrikes, a sound that he doesn’t think he’s ever heard her make. He fights the unease in his belly, right now he can’t afford to be gentle with her. He hopes that she knows it.

 

He can’t afford to do anything but rush because he knows that human Acxa won’t survive. But half-Galra Acxa would have a chance. His expression grows grimmer. Half-Galra Acxa had a chance, but full-Galra blood will give her a better one. If he has to make her into a full-fledged Galra, so be it.

 

She is crying now and it shatters his soul to pieces because this is only the second time he has seen her do it. He knows that she is in complete agony and he wants to take that away from her. But he has a feeling that what he is about to do will only make things worse.

At least until the Galra blood is back in her veins.

 

He knows that she remembers the procedure. At least to some degree.

God, he hoped that she’d be awake by the time they got to the UV room.

God, he hoped that she could help walk him through this.

 

With every fall of his foot, with every bump he causes, Acxa cries out. And each time she does, a part of him breaks until he is back on floor four.

Floor, only one level above the chaos down on floor three. He doesn’t know what he will do if the calamity below branches out to floor four.

 

He finds an empty UV room and carries Acxa in. She breaks down completely, screaming at him to not turn her human and he knows that she is no longer in the present. He winces because her body doesn’t have the energy to fight and thrash but she does it anyways. At this rate she will take herself out.

 

“I have to do this, Acxa.” He whispers. “Look, I’m not even going to strap you in.”

 

Her thrashing slows and he isn’t sure if it’s because she has worn herself out or because he has said the right thing. “You’re in control this time, I promise.” He says. “It’s probably going to hurt, but that’s why I need your help—so it’ll go quicker and hurt less.”

 

His heart breaks a little more because she is trembling all over. It breaks further because he can see that her eyes are dimming and she is losing her fight.

 

“Help me, help you.” He squeezes her hand, “please.”

 

She lifts a week hand and points at a rolling cart of supplies. “The third syringe, with the green liquid.”

 

He rolls the cart over and picks out the mentioned syringe. “What do I do with it?” He asks.

 

Pidge looks at the research notes as Acxa says, “inject it into my neck.” She sucks in a labored breath. “If you…can’t find the right spot…arm…works too.”

 

Her neck is a bloody fucking mess, even if he could find the right area, it’d be to slick. So he takes her right arm and sticks the needle in. Her fingers wrap around the operating table and her face twists into an expression of pain and something like rage.

 

“You’re going to…have to…” she struggles. “strap me down.”

 

It isn’t just a warning, it’s an order. He gets a sense that she will either move too much or hurt him. Maybe both if he inflicts enough pain. So he obeys her command. He can see in her eyes that she is even more afraid now, that she regrets allowing him to do so.

 

“Trust me, Acxa.”

 

“I wouldn’t be bound if I didn’t.”

 

Pidge speaks, “Okay the medication—we’ll call it that for the sake of time—has settled by now. Pick up the syringe with the purple solution. Inject that too.”

 

“What is this stuff for?”

 

“We don’t have time to discuss the details, but basically it’s preparation. The green stuff opens the bloodstream to absorb the quintessence. The purple stuff is a small dose of quintessence to get the body warmed up for the full procedure. And the blue stuff is going to help protect the body from dying as it tries to fight off the quintessence. The orange stuff is going to help the transition take place.”

 

He injects all of them in the order Acxa tells him. He hears her mutter something about how it feels like her blood is turning to acid. The sound of her desperate weeping is becoming unbearable and he wonders how she is still able to talk to him at all.

 

“Okay,” Pidge says for her, “now we have to activate the UV lights.”

 

Keith hits the switch.

 

“You have to leave now.” Acxa hisses.

 

“What?!” It is the last thing he wants to do.

 

“You can’t be in here…you don’t have…the protection.”

 

“She’s right, if we stay in here, we’re probably going to get fried. Or, our DNA will…something’ll get fried.” Pidge tugs him out as the bulbs heat up and the room grows hotter.

 

“How long do we leave her in there?”

 

“Technically we’re supposed to do this for ten minutes every five hours until the transformation is complete. But we don’t have that kind of time.” Pidge flips the page. “Haggar was in the middle of testing longer sessions with no time in between. According to her its also easier to turn a human Galra anyways.” Pidge taps her chin. “From the looks of it we can get away with leaving her in there for an hour and the transformation would be nearly complete.”

 

“Nearly. In other words…”

 

“Unless you really want to push it and shoot for two whole hours…”

 

He cuts her off, “we’ll have our Acxa back.”

 

Pidge nods, “she should make it to the half-blood stage.”

 

He bites his lip. He just hopes that her body will last another hour and then some, as her Galra blood kicks in to save her. He punches the wall, he can’t stand waiting on something like this. “I’m going to go crazy.”

 

“She’s a fighter.” Pidge reminds him. “She pretty much kicked your ass that one time you fought.”

 

Pidge sets a timer. “While we wait we can help stabilize the situation downstairs.”

 

Keith sighs and looks at the closed door. There was no sense dwelling on it, he may as well make himself useful. “I don’t hate you.” He calls before Pidge can pull him away. What a lame thing to say, he wishes that he had told her he loved her.

 

**.oOo.**

She has just woken up and she can barely keep her eyes open. Her stomach is queasy and she feels dizzy. She can hear voices but they are distorted. All sounds have the quality of an echo. An underwater echo. She wants to sit up but her body refuses it is weak and somewhat sore. She wants to speak but her mouth is dry and she can’t seem to force the sound out. She is awake, but apparently, only in mind. She fights to wake the rest of her up but the effort only throws her back into darkness. Her head hits the pillow and her body convulses, her back arches stiffly, and she is limp again.

A froth of magenta taints her lips and spatters the pillow.

 

Her face had been wiped and cleaned by the time she awakened a second time.

This time both of her hands are held. By two different people, she thinks. One hand is smaller and warmer. The other is much larger than her own hand and rather cold. “Zethrid?” She pauses. “Ezor?”

 

“You’re half right.” She recognizes Ezor’s voice. But it comes from across the room.

 

She looks to her left and sees Zethrid and to her right is Keith. He smiles and pulls her into a hug. She still feels sapped of all energy and struggles to return the hug, but with some somewhat strenuous effort, she manages.

 

And to Zethrid she says, “you’re safe.” She brings a hand to her pounding head. “I thought I lost you.”

 

“ _You_ thought you lost _us_?” Zethrid laughs.

 

“Did we defeat Haggar?”  Acxa asks.

 

“You did that, remember.” Keith says with a smile.

 

Acxa closes her eyes. “No.” It is all so fuzzy in her mind. Try as she may she can seem to recall much of what happened after blasting open the laboratory doors.

 

Keith strokes her hair. “You killed the witch.”

 

“I did?”

 

Ezor nods. “After that we started working on fixing the damage she caused.”

 

“We’ve managed to stabilize the quintessence.” Veroinca says, drawing Acxa’s attention to her for the first time.

 

“What was kind of a pain in the ass because of you.” Zethrid puts in. “You caused a pretty bad leak of it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like explosions, but that one was dangerous.”

 

“After we stabilized the quintessence we collected a lot of Haggar’s research notes and we’re trying to put them to good use.” Veronica continues.

“Right now we’re working to help Galra turned humans go back to their original species and vice versa.” Keith adds. “We’ve gotten through a lot of them.”

 

“You’ve had a busy week.” Acxa remarks.

 

For a brief moment, but not one that Acxa misses, Keith’s eyes go wide and then his face settles back into something more neutral. Veronica, Ezor, and Zethrid, their expressions are more stern. Perhaps with a touch of pity from Ezor and some concern from Veronica.

 

“Remember when Zethrid said that we thought we lost you?” Keith asks.

 

“She said that five minutes ago.”

 

“Acxa, it’s been a month.”

 

She feels faint all over again, shock is plain on her face. “What?” She rakes her fingernails through her hairline. “It hasn’t been that long…”

 

“You were in a quintessence coma.” Veronica notes. “That’s what Pidge was calling it.”

 

Keith resumes, “we—rather the doctors—were getting ready to…uh…”

 

“To put you out.” Zethrid finishes bluntly.

 

“But you woke up for a moment about a week ago.” Keith explains. “So they decided to give you more time.”

 

“A month…” Acxa trails off, her gaze drifts to the ceiling.

 

“That’s probably a good thing.” Veronica tries. “You weren’t in good condition.”

 

“Yeah, you were pretty fucked up. The whole left side of your face was burned I didn’t even recognize you because it was…”

 

“Zethrid!” Ezor gives her arm a sturdy nudge.

 

“Thanks, Zethrid.” Acxa grumbles. She brings a hand to her left cheek.

 

“It’s mostly healed now, the Galra blood helped.” Keith notes.

 

She moves her hand from her face to her head, combing her fingers through her hair until they find her horns. She had missed them so terribly. “I’m half-Galra again.” There is a falter in her voice. It is there because deep down she had been hoping that their side mission would fail.

 

“Human Acxa would have died.” This time Keith is more direct. “I was ready to make you a full Galra but we didn’t have that kind of time and I didn’t know how much quintessence you could take.” He paused. “I know you might have wanted to be fully Galra…”

 

“Yes, that would have been ideal.” She admits.

 

“But I’m glad I didn’t do that.” Before she can chide him for the decision he adds, “you’d probably still be in that coma if I used that much quintessence.”

 

She is distraught, perhaps a little angry, but she knows that he is right. Her body wouldn’t have taken to that much quintessence exposure—not for such a prolonged period anyhow. Perhaps in intervals. “Can you still do it?” She asks.

 

“Make you a full blood Galra?” He questions.

 

She nods.

 

“Probably.” The smile she offers fades quickly. “But I won’t.”

 

It is fine, she can probably do it herself after she recovers in full.

 

“Acxa, you’re alive because you’re a half-blood.” He points out. It is a bold declaration. “Human Acxa would have died and making you a Galra would have killed you or, at least, have put you into a coma for good. Half-Galra was the perfect in between.” He doesn’t have to say it for her to know where he is going to take the conversation. “The real you, is the perfect in between.”

 

Still she wants to shed frustrated tears. Because she was so close…

So close to being a full blood.

So close to fully belonging…

**Epilogue**

 

It is hard for him to gauge what she is thinking. Even with a good two years further into their relationship. He has come to accept that that’s just another aspect of her. She is hard to read. But he gives her time, because usually she ends up opening up to him.

 

She sits at the dinner table, and she is very quiet. It isn’t exactly a tense quiet, but it is an awkward quiet. And he knows that it has nothing to do with her being confused about the meal choice. No, she has adjusted rather well to Earth. Granted he still has a lot to teach her, but she is assimilating well.

 

“What are you thinking about?” He asks, hoping desperately that it isn’t about her half-blood heritage again.

 

Even two years in, she still got stares. The people of Earth were still doing some adjusting themselves, but seeing aliens among them was becoming much more commonplace with each passing day. Even so, it isn’t lost on him that the constant ogling makes Acxa at least a hint discomforted.

 

She sets her fork down and stares out the window.

 

“Just tell me when you’re ready, okay?”

 

She nods. “I’ll let you know when I figure out how to tell you.”

 

“That’s fair.” He watches her push her chair in.

 

 

**.oOo.**

 

She makes her way to their bedroom. She pauses to realign the pictures on their wall; there aren’t many but somehow, they always end up lopsided. She first adjusts the one of she and Keith on the beach. He had taken her on vacation to a place he called, Cancun. The second is of the day they’d attended Lance’s family’s 4th of July barbeque. She hadn’t known what a barbeque was and she didn’t know why the fourth was so important. Lance tried to explain it but apparently there was a lot to unpack. But she had a good time. Next to that is a picture of she and Veronica and then one of she, Ezor, and Zethrid. The one next to those is a picture of Keith and Lance and then one of all of the Paladins.

She only pauses to observe their wedding picture. She had worn a traditional Earth gown and Keith was dressed in Galra attire.

In the picture she is smiling. In the picture he holds her, his forehead pressed against hers. He looks proud. His mother was proud.

She straightens the picture.

 

She stands before the mirror on the closet door and picks out something to wear to bed. She gets side-tracked as she often does, while standing there. Her skin is a familiar shade of blue. Her hands are clawed again and her eyes glow faintly in the semi-dark of the bedroom. She has her almost intimidatingly tall stature and her hair has grown out, draping over her shoulders some in a graceful cascade of deep blue. Her horns are also longer now, more pronounced—these days they have been growing at a rather rapid rate. She runs her fingers over the length of them, and, so many years later, she is still just as glad to have them again. So many years later and she is, at last, used to seeing the scars on her face. The deep blue that the left side of her face takes on. It is a sort of vitiligo. It had taken a lot of adjusting to. On one occasion Keith had to remind her of something she had told him; that scars were a staple of beauty among her people. And she apricates the mark of bravery. Even so, between her undeniably half-blood appearance and those scars, she draws a lot of looks.

 

The research notes are hidden within a hole she has carved into the wall along with various syringes. It would only take a quick trip to the lab to stop the stares. She makes her way to that hole in the wall and boxes the supplies up. She supposes that the Garrison research labs wouldn’t mind a little extra samples.

 

She returns to the mirror and dresses herself. The supplies are so very near but she sees her reflection and she can’t imagine herself any other way. All those years go, Keith had been right. She is the perfect in between. A comfy in between.

 

The hard part would be telling Keith that she had kept the syringes hidden at all. The hardest part would be sharing more urgent matters. She doesn’t notice him slip into the room, not until she catches sight of him in the mirror as he approaches her. His hands wrap around her middle and his chin rests on her shoulder, she knows that he wants to rest his chin on her head, but her height no longer allows for that. So he settles.

 

“What’s in the box?”

 

“Open it.” She feels his hands slid out from under her arms. She watches him rummage through the box.

 

“You weren’t going to…”

 

“I’ve had them for a while, but I don’t need them. I was planning on shipping them out to the Garrison facility.”

 

He smiles. “So you’ve finally accepted that the half-Galra you is the best you?”

 

“Something like that.” She replies.

 

She wanders up to the radio and picks a CD. She has branched out some and has acquired a collection of her own. Mostly European metal. Therion and the like strike her fancy. Haggard is a good band but their name puts them off limits. But she isn’t in a metal mood today and instead plays Celtic Women, which Keith had to build up a tolerance for. Apparently, he isn’t a fan of Celtic music, she would get him there though.

 

On cue, he comments, “man, you’re making me wish that you only know classic rock.”

 

Acxa makes herself comfortable on the bed next to him. She rubs a thumb over his ear, “you’ll live.”

 

“Don’t make me put on the country music station.” Keith threatens. “I’ll do it.”

 

“And you’ll have us both suffer?”

 

“You’re ears are bigger than mine, it will hurt you worse.”

 

“That is exactly how it doesn’t work.” She rolls her eyes. Granted her sense of hearing has been sharper since reverting back to her old self. But it has nothing to do with the length of her ears.

She lets Keith playfully ruffle her hair.

 

For a long while they lay there in silence. A much calmer sort of quiet. He strokes at her horns like he had done so long ago. He is the one to interrupt the silence. “They’ve gotten really long.” It is spoken with a soft laugh. It takes Acxa a second to realize that he is referring to her horns.

 

“Yes.” She agrees.

 

“I didn’t realize that they grow so rapidly.”

 

“They usually don’t.” She replies, much to his confusion.

 

He speaks now with a hint of concern. “Is this a side effect of the quintessence.”

 

Acxa supposes that now is as good a time as any to share what has been on her mind. “Why is everything always so sinister with you?”

 

He apologizes. “I’m a bit of a pessimist.”

 

“Still?”

 

“Hey! I’m working on it.” He pauses, “if it’s not because of the quintessence, then what?”

 

She pauses. “I am going to tell you a little bit about Galra mating and physical development.”

 

His mouth falls agape. “You want to talk to me about Galra puberty and sex ed?”

 

She nods affirmatively and gives a solid, “correct.”

 

“I swear, we’ve already talked about this.”

 

“We touched on it, yes.” She agrees. “There are two times when a Galra woman’s horns grow and one time when a Galra man’s will. The first time for a Galra woman and the only time for a Galra man, is when they are maturing.” He probably could have guessed that. “During which time the horns will grow from small bumps to about ten inches. That is the average. Some Galra end up with smaller horns, like myself. Some end up with bigger horns. The shape and positioning varies. Are you following?”

 

He nods.

 

“When reproducing, a Galra woman’s horns can grow another few inches. You can usually tell how much a Galra woman has reproduced based on the size of her horns. During the reproduction process Galra women tend to sleep more—the further into the process, the more she will sleep.” She is about to explain more when Keith burst out laughing.

 

 

“Sorry, sorry.” He wipes away a tear. “It’s just that…I’ve never heard anyone break the news like that. You could have just told me you’re pregnant.”

 

So, he preferred the direct approach. “Should I be blunt when I tell everyone else?”

 

“Probably.” He rubs her back. “But if you want to give Galra reproduction fun facts, I’m sure Pidge wouldn’t mind.”

 

She nestles her head against his chest, taking the care to not jab him with her newly extended horns. “Do you think he will look more Galra or more human?”

 

“He?”

 

She motions to her horns again. “If they grow up it usually indicates a boy, if they grow downward, it indicates a girl.”

 

“So what happens if there’s a set of male and female twins?”

 

“The horns will be asymmetrical.”

 

“And what if the second child is a boy and the first is a girl.”

 

“Typically, that is when the horns develop branches, so to speak.”

 

“You’re joking!”

 

“Yes.” She admits. “It’s actually just a myth. But I feel like we are going to have a boy.”

 

“Your sense of humor is always a trip.” He notes. She feels his hands wrap around her middle. “How far along are you anyways?”

 

She rests her hands atop his. “About two months.” She doesn’t know if she should be seeing a Galra doctor or a human one. She thinks that she will consult both. “Do you want to be a father?” The way he tentatively rubs circles on her belly tells her that he does, but she wants a vocal confirmation.

 

“I didn’t really think about it to be honest…” He trails off. Kissing the crook of her neck he says. “I’d like to be a father.”

 

It is reassuring to hear.

 

And even more reassuring is the reaction she gets from everyone else when she finally finds the courage to make the announcement. Coran and Allura in particular seem pleased; it would seem that Alteans have soft spots for offspring, even if the offspring isn’t their own.

It is more than a relief to know that no one seems to mind the prospect of another half-blood baby.

 

For the first time, it dawns on Acxa that she finally feels secure.

Safe, secure, and accepted.

 

Keith holds her close and caresses her scarred cheek. She had certainly fought to feel that way


End file.
